(2-2-08)

Karen Babbitt is 40 and I don’t know anyone

(that’s a good thing)

I also didn’t know anyone, more or less, at the Obama rally yesterday morning in the rain following Karen’s 40^th birthday beer bash at the Temple Bar following Salon in the rain where I knew everyone and they all voted to move the whole thing to the 3^rd district for my campaign for supervisor there. ‘Cooky Looky’ says everyone knows me there and that’s a start but where to start on this column?

You having fun? I really am. It would seem that involuntary celibacy does not condemn one to being a miserable shrew like Arthur Evans but as I look at the ladies from 18 to 80, sex is never off my mind. Thanks for that ladies. Ah, ladies.

Arm candy and door passes

Popular or threatening guys will do too. No sex, but who you walk into an event with is recorded by all and the size of their political balls and tits is definitely relevant. I talked Aimee Iura into coming to Karen’s birthday party and she turns heads.

So does Angela Alioto. As does young Bob Brigham with his Montana steel-toed boots and flannel shirt and hunting vest (I tell everyone – from a distance – that he’s a bounty hunter and has been showing their picture around the crowd) … I like to be with the in-crowd. Shamelessly.

Luke and I and Elaine Santore took the Fog City contingent to Babbitt’s party and Aimee came along and everyone thought she was a new flame for me and I wish it were true and I let them think it and build my myth but it isn’t but that’s OK cause she’s an old friend and they last longer in my life anyway. Probably same with you.

Aimee left early but we hard-core political junkies went on and on through countless pitchers of beer and we discovered that the mural on the wall across from us was a Charlie Lennon original and Charlie’s an old friend and Luke took pictures of us standing all under and around it and I’m supposed to watch the Super Bowl tomorrow with Charlie and Patrick Cassidy (‘Journey to Bohemia’ author) and Luke and Bob at my SRO where I have bad TV reception but it doesn’t matter because we all end up painting the walls and hanging posters and taking turns at the keyboard of the computer that John Donofrio gave me and Phil and Marc keep running. I do You Tube videos of old tunes and Bob knows every political site on the web and Luke makes everyone prove everything they say and I always phone Sue Vaughan to tell her that there are the ‘3 or more men talking politics’ quorum that triggers an automatic call to a rabid feminist to invite someone with ovaries to hear from the other side and she says not to say ‘dear’ or ‘honey’ or ‘babe’ and gives us her blessing to continue.

Is your life anything like that? I thought not. Too bad for you, buddy. I mean, honey. I mean, babe. I mean, dear. Why don’t guys complain if I call them all ‘dude’ and ‘stud’ and ‘bro’ and ‘cowboy’ and other equally sexist characterizations? You following any of this? It’s a column about Barack Obama.

It was a rainy day in London

I don’t know my place. Never did. It wasn’t London either. Everett Middle School was where we ended up but not before the youngsters, Brigham and Thomas had their coffee to combat their hangovers from the previous night feting Karen’s 40’th. I used my own tried and true hangover remedy and polished off half of a half pint of Ancient Age as we trunched through the early morning drizzle working our way up Market from U.N. Plaza to the incredible complex that is Everett Middle School sitting on Church Street on the border that straddles the Mission and the Castro and man what a building.

Daly was standing out in front getting signatures for his petition to counter the Lennar takeover of every place every black person lives in the BayView and Hunters Point and their supervisor, Sophie Maxwell could care less.

I gots lots of problems with Daly. Oh, I love the guy. He’s the Progressives’ clean-up hitter for the last couple of years. Our thousand-plus yards running back or all-pro quarterback, but I’m the grouchy old coach who is never satisfied and I keep em all humble. All of em. While he gets his ass kissed all around, I come up front and kick him in the balls on the Progressive (?) supes baseless attack on Dick Sklar and he’s totally clueless. Debra Walker approaches with a friend and she gives me a quick hug and I think only of sex, sex, sex and wonder if she ever does it with guys. That kind of morning.

Ahhh, San Francisco! I walk across the street to get perspective and Everett is something to look at. They didn’t spare labor or money when the City and the Nation were poorest ant built places like this and Mission High and so many other structures.

The columns that support the center edifice of the school façade flanked by 2 wings that each contain a courtyard of 70 year old palm trees … front façade is supported by fabulous Corinthian columns that run around 40 feet or more into the air and are made of some kind of jeweled terrazzo capped by carefully carved crowns and flanked by an assortment of perfectly balanced Spanish tile artwork that would draw a nod from Michelangelo.

A woman approaches me for an autograph. I ask her if she’s crazy. Turns out she is. Oh well. I cross back across the street smoking a cigar and attack Supervisor, Ross Mirkarimi who forthrightly answers all my questions about the Progressive Board cabal coming attack on Sklar, but all ‘off-the-record’. Who says Downtown has all the sleazebags? I beg to differ.

These guys are fucking idiots. Sklar rebuilt the collapsed sewer system in Hunters Point and the cable car system before Daly was even born. And, lots of other things. None of this Board of supes ever built a god damned tree house. They presume to judge Dick Sklar, the guy who rebuilt the U.S. airports infrastructure and the bridges, power plants and water systems of Bosnia? The only thing they’re qualified to judge is each other’s erections at the weekly Full Board circle jerk meetings. They’re a pack of porcupines thundering towards a cliff. Wanna try and herd em? I don’t know why I even bother.

I count 390 incandescent light bulbs in the 11 classic chandeliers hanging over the perfectly proportioned auditorium that seats fifteen hundred or so and is packed for the arrival of John Kerry who is here to inspire us. A woman standing next to me says the lighting is bad and she can’t see.

Santayana said that the fulfillment of the expectation of pattern is the essential ingredient in any aesthetic experience and he’s damned right and whomever the hell designed Everett had read Santayana. Proportion is most important in tits and asses and architecture. Everyone knows that. I don’t even want to get into the ornate mosaic trim that separates wall and ceiling throughout the buildings. Let me just say that it’s beyond the grasp of Donald Fisher.

“Martin Luther King was 24 in Montgomery!”

I finally learned something of interest from John Kerry. King was 33 when he did his ‘I have a dream” speech in D.C.. I hadn’t realized that either and Kerry gave a good speech. I think Obama is going to win the Democrat’s nomination going away and I hope he chooses Al Gore as his running mate. Al can’t win his home state of Tennessee, it’s true, but that just gives us another place to dump the nuclear waste that is mostly created there anyway.

Did I get off message? Not possible. I don’t do messages. Just rants. So, who was there for Obama? Barry Hermanson was passing out campaign literature for his U.S. House run for Lantos’ seat. Mark Sanchez and Jane Kim were there and Senator Kerry says that Thomas Jefferson was 33 when he wrote the Declaration of Independence. Is he trying to make me feel like a bigger failure than I already am?

There’s a ‘truck’ out front (hook and ladder 6) and I stop and talk to the guys a bit. I was a firefighter for 5 years back when Lincoln was president and have a continued interest in the craft. Their rig is an 85 footer (straight-bed) which is the same design I rode back in the day. They don’t have a booster tank (500 gallons of baffled water hooked to inch and a half chemical hose for quick rescues – the SF hills preclude that) and they are there as Standard Operating Procedure where large crowds are gathered. They don’t know why there are no cops. Their union president, John Hanley is there alongside D.A., Kamala Harris to endorse Obama. The rain continues to patter down. The firefighters won’t talk politics with me but are free with comments on their ride and the rain. It brings back memories of the days I rode one of these things to huge fires and even one train wreck. I don’t push em.

The Grateful Dead and MoveOn.org endorse Obama within minutes of each other. The Dead schedule a concert at the Warfield to support Barack. It’s for Monday night. It sells out in 10 minutes. Brigham somehow gets tickets. Luke wants to photograph me at the head of the Deadhead’s line that always forms for these things. I’ve evolved into a kind of FogCityJournal.com mascot. With teeth. The Dead do little for me. Too complicated. I like screaming vocalists, soaring guitars and loud drums. And bourbon.

We retraced our tracks back through the rain to the Tenderloin stopping a little diner at Market and Pearl where I’d always wanted to eat. I skip the food while Luke and Bob chow down and content myself with a couple of Bloody Mary’s. Life is good and some customers engage us about the Obama rally. Two black lesbians with a little girl are animated in their support of the junior Illinois senator. A lady abandons her counter seat and Thomas gives her a rundown of the event as she beams and goes off uplifted to do her laundry.

Back at Casa Brown we drink beer and bourbon and surf from one internet political site to the next. The rain continues to fall and it is a load off my mind. Old people worry about drought more than young people do. Luke partially deflates the Cadillac air mattress that Hope Johnson gave me last week and makes it into a recliner. I settle into it and pass out. When I awaken the guys are gone and the daylight has turned to dark. I look out the window. It’s raining. I open a beer.

Obama for president

Happy birthday, Karen

Patriots 50

Giants 7

Niners 0

h@ludd.net

Odds and ends and odd ends

“Are you pretending you don’t see us!?!”

(Later, David Grennel bought a round)

Y’all remember David Grennel? He was Gonzalez’s Chief of Staff for Matt’s last year or so on the Board. Then he worked for Jerry Brown as a top staffer. Now he’s Chief of Staff for Greenie Mayor, Gail McLaughlin over in Richmond. I had a bone to pick with him.

Our little group of 4 musketeers (Krissy Keefer, Elaine Santore, Luke Thomas and myself) were sitting outside Café La Boheme downstairs from Krissy’s Dance Mission drinking wine when David walked by. I just had to ask him about Louise Renne and about the rumor that Gonzalez had vouched for her when she suddenly felt the urge to be the City Attorney in Richmond (?).

My thoughts were that Renne as City Attorney protected PG&E from the law in San Francisco for over a decade and letting her into the files and contracts in Fremont, a City fighting Chevron, was just foolhardy. Kind of like letting the Charlie Sheen janitor service from ‘Wallstreet’ dust your sensitive records.

David disagreed. I never cease to be amazed at the naiveté of many of Matt’s boy scouts. I didn’t press that matter and went on to listen to why it was OK for Matt to play ‘Dead Elvis on the toilet’ in both the mayoral and D.A. races. Matt was innocent of that too, according to Grennel. I ground a few more axes but the boy was like Gomer Pyle on crack and just kept repeating this Manchurian Candidate mantra about Matt being the best, most wonderful, fairest … I swear, that shit gets a bit frightening at times.

After establishing the proper frame of mind, we hugged David and watched him wander into the barrio like Bambi without his mom; then we went upstairs and Luke played the piano while we danced and then put a coat of primer on the Dance Brigade’s newly refurbished bleachers/risers and drank more wine and ate pizza and that was Sunday night and it was Wednesday morning before I put the last paint brush and rollers to soak.

Julian Davis threatens lawsuit

Julian Davis wrote a nice note calling me a liar and a slanderer and threatening me with a lawsuit. It concerned my Bulldog Article 142 (http://www.Sfbulldog.com). I got drunk and stoned with the conga player next door and talked it over and he said that the kid was just looking to kiss-up to Downtown and to not give him any ink and so I won’t.

Peskin as the next Assessor?

I’ve kicked this one around my Salonites the last few days and most disagree. Eileen says that Nate Nayman hates Peskin and that’s enough but I say that Peskin gave millions back to Shorenstein (11 of the 55 companies that sued the City in 2001 were owned by Walter) and had supported every giveaway of City land and franchise to corporate interests or plutocrats.

It makes sense to me. Aaron needs a job for the next 20 years and Assessor would fit him just fine. I think his saving grace in the eyes of Downtown is that he uses tweaks in the law and parliamentary procedure to achieve the same effects (better, really) as a shower of red envelopes. Aaron won’t be indicted in this world but I see him in a chain gang in Hell in between Willie Brown and Larry Badiner.

That makes Dufty the next Board Prez

I’ve been right in predicting the last 3 elections for Board Prez and I’ll be right about this one too. Hopefully, Bevan will only serve in that capacity for a few months but if David Chieu (lost run for DCCC – or, was it Chinatown’s Democratic club? – lost run for that boss spot and represents – he’s lawyer – groups like the Christian Coalition) … if Chieu whom Newsom would appoint to replace Peskin, wins, you could end up with 4 years of Dufty. Don’t make me do the math but 3 is the swing district and giving Chieu a head start as incumbent is well worth moving Phil Teng to D-4 where he will spend 10 or 11 years. See, these guys think long term.

Oh, hell, do the math

Eric Mar will win in D-1 next year. Pier remains in D-2. Some of us want David Ho to move from D-4 to D-3 to run against Chieu after Peskin moves to Assessor. D-4 will be Teng’s well into the next decade. Mirkarimi is the more popular with his constituents than any other supervisor. That makes D-5 a solid Progressive vote for next 5 years. Daly will be successfully recalled next year but his replacement (Debra Walker or Jordanna Thigpen) will lose to Marc Salomon running amidst a slate of gay male brainiacs with Joe Lynn and Jim Meko.

Tony Hall will take back the D-7 seat Newsom tricked him out of and Dufty has 3 years left in D-8 and is a consistent corporate/plutocrat vote. Krissy Keefer will win in 9 to replace Ammiano who has endorsed David Campos. Keefer, Marc Sanchez and Eric Qaesada will form a Progressive slate and Keefer will win because the male candidates will cancel one another out in so many ways. Don’t be surprised if Ammiano quits early to make Campos the incumbent, but it won’t matter.

Maxwell is solid for another 3 years and Daly aide, John Avalos will win in 11 and be Board President for the last 2 years of his 8 years in office.

The stunning (?) prediction there is that Daly will be ousted. I’ll vote against it but I don’t see him dodging this bullet. His smartest move at that time is to enter the race for State Assembly against Ammiano. Now that … that would provide some real fireworks. And you know, despite all of Ammiano’s maneuverings these last few years (Heather Hiles, for God’s sake!) to secure his mortgage payments, I don’t really care if Chris or Tom wins this one. Daly should have run for mayor. I hate to look back and play the old ‘shuddacuddawuddauseta’ game but … Daly should have run for mayor.

Inside this year’s mayor’s race

You’re forgiven for forgetting there was one. We’re past the mid-point in the contest, having logged 6 or our 12 scheduled Friday debates (5-6:30pm) under the Mayor’s balcony (Alioto Plaza, the actual Town Square opposite the Polk Street entry to da Dome). There are 42 days left until the election. The 7th Town Square meeting is tomorrow.

We’ve had 8 debates in all. I attended 7 and was dis-invited to the 8th. That shows the tenuous status of a minority candidate. If Josh hadn’t come up with the idea of meeting in front of cameras under Gavin’s window, I’d have only had one public hearing. It’s the same with most of the candidates.

The saving grace is Tony DeRenzo’s camera. Go to Google and search this years mayoral election and Tony D productions or something and you’ll get videos of every debate and most of the After Parties which are much more revealing (tho opposite - usually you’re very proper in public, then get naked after if you’re lucky - here, it’s reversed). There are 11 DVD’s now and you can be on tomorrow’s. Do bring enough to buy a pitcher of beer at Temple Bar if you can tho.

Major Media coverage

John Rinaldi hasn’t attended a single debate and he’s getting the most media coverage because he has a neat nickname. Grasshopper Kaplan is second in coverage cause he gets arrested every few days and disrupts every Collaborative event. The only people shallower than these assholes are Tim Redmond and Cecilia Vega.

Huey Newton’s candidate, Quintin Mecke has drawn the attention of that sexually repressed madman, Arthur Evans and although he’s tried to disavow the endorsement, it fits.

Mecke’s people are running a machine type operation without the resources. So, they hold him out of debates with the other candidates but they simply have no other events to occupy him. We always call him and he always gives a good solid excuse as to why he can’t come and debate issues under the Mayor’s window. Last week or was it the week before? He said that he couldn’t attend because he had a couple of friends in from out of town and he wanted to go to an early dinner with them and show them the town?

Coming Mayoral debates

As I said, there are 6 remaining Collaborative debates on Fridays under Gavin’s balcony. On October 11th (a Thursday) at 6pm, we’ll get to speak 3 minutes each (under very, very strictly controlled circumstances) in the League of Women Voters forum at the Main Public Library in Koret Auditorium. It will be the one time that Newsom will speak in public on the same stage as what his campaign manager calls: “the barnyard animals”.

On October 10th the Collaborative (plus, John Rivaldi!?) are signed on for a forum with an upper-Haight group called HANC. They handled twice the candidates during the 2004 D-5 supe race and did a hell of a job. I’ll get back to you with the time and place but I think it’s gonna be at the Public Library on Page at 6 or 7pm. This will probably be the best meeting of the entire campaign.

“Want some jelly with that Farrah toast?”

(Eileen Left)

Did you know that Gavin Newsom gave $500 to George Bush when George ran for President in 2000? No shit. Gonzalez used it on the stump against Gavin in the ’03 contest.

So, why is Eric Jaye so pissed that Farrah gave $95 to Chicken John Rinaldi (as a joke – he gave the max $500 to Newsom) this year? I’d say it was a good move. He empowered the one ‘opposition’ candidate who praises Newsom and is openly seeking a job from the Mayor.

I’d say that Jaye wants Farrah’s scalp and that he’s likely to get it. He already gave Farrah’s spacious office adjoining Gavin’s to Stuart Sunshine and relegated Mike to Ruby Tourk’s closet and lump-on-a-log duties sitting as the Mayor’s liaison to the Small Business Commission (he’s outta there now but obviously, still in jeopardy).

Candidate snippets

Lonnie Holmes was endorsed by Tony Hall. Quintin Mecke got the Milk Club endorsement which brought on the resignation of Kim Knox (a double victory for the LGBT community). Grasshopper got arrested and got out of jail and got arrested and got out of jail and got arrested and got out of jail. He and Kenny the Clown keep challenging the Mayor to physical contests. They want to play basketball (‘one-on-one’) or race him or mud wrestle him. It is just all so gay and I wish Gavin would put on some heavy leather Turkish trousers and take these boys on at the Folsom Street Fair. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?

That’s enuff for today.

Check out Bulldog (http://www.Sfbulldog.com) for all election columns.

Salon tomorrow, same time and place.

Mayoral Candidates debate tomorrow 5pm under Gavin’s window.

Headed out for 67th long walk (can I dump this spare tire in 33 days?).

Tourists hold hands.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m faced with cold air or water, my gonads climb so far back up into my abdomen that evidence of their existence is hard to find. Same with my prick. But hey, that’s just me and the rules of normal human responses. Clearly, those rules do not apply to mayoral candidates Alec (Grasshopper) Kaplan and George (the nudist Republican) Davis. Late afternoon yesterday, as a ‘Northeaster’ blew across Alioto Plaza, both repeatedly demonstrated to the audience of a few reporters, political wonks and reassured tourists that we are a city that defies normal definition in just about every way. They took it off. They swung em around. And, they still hung low as they say in the locker room. I’m thinking banned substances or profound mind control games.

It was our 6th scheduled debate of the 2007 San Francisco Mayoral Candidates Collaborative and I believe that we, as a group, reached full bloom.

We’d decided at the previous week’s After Party at the Temple Bar to unleash Davis to stand fully nude (rather than his usual pansy apron) and for Kenny (the Clown) Kahn to wear his clown costume (but then, which set of clothing is actually the ‘costume’ for Kenny?) … no one expected Grasshopper to come dragging his slimy balls across the Town Square. What the hell, it made for good theater and drew a bigger crowd than usual.

It began at Salon several hours earlier as usual. A couple of idiot/geniuses were arguing about the faults of Shakespeare and how George Bernard Shaw was actually a better writer. I swear to God, it was enough to provoke Mother Theresa.

We’d started the gathering by going to study the new, half-bubble red plastic cameras that were installed over our gathering tables since the café’ was robbed a month or so back. Someone thought they were web cams. Someone else thought they were unconnected props. Either way, we unanimously decided that we didn’t give a shit and we could use the publicity if they were aimed at us.

We went on to talk about Salomon’s benediction by Tim Redmond as the go-to policy wonk for a ‘moratorium’ (thanks, Sue Vaughan) on all market rate housing until the poor are housed. I yelled and screamed that the promise of Henry George’s urban Land Trusts should be included in whatever these guys bring before the voters. Between Public Housing, SFUSD holdings, de-commisioned base property and PUC right-of-way property, it would be possible to take 15 to 20% of the land in the City out of play for ‘profit’ developers.

We went outside to smoke a bit of medicinal pot and watch the red light on the ATM teller across the street blink at us as we inhaled. Cop cars cruised us and a neighbor across the alley leaned out the window asking for a joint. The cops had a camera mounted on their dash.

I didn’t plan to own a jazz club

Or, to become a ‘fag hag’ either, by the way. When I opened my bar in St. Louis back in the mid-70’s I vowed I’d play the best music available. It just turns out that 90% of the best music available at that time in St. Louis was jazz.Same with my circle of friends here. I look around me and most of my friends are gay. I ask Marc Salomon for statistics when I take the stage for the 6th weekly 2007 San Francisco Mayoral Candidates Collaborative debate … it’s being sponsored by the Bay Area Reporter.He shoots back a couple of stats. The federal government has cut AIDS funding to SF from 42 million down to 18 million a year during the Bush years. Gay men and women make up 20-25% of the local population now. He can’t decide on what animal he’d be if he could become an animal. The gay men and straight women in the audience sigh. Marc’s a hunk.

I use the Salomon statistics to shore up my presentations while Grasshopper Kaplan interrupts the debate a half dozen times with a half dozen different ploys. He is so getting paid for this.

He roars up across the Square nearly running over tourists as our forum begins. He skids up behind us and announces that he has a fare who is going to the airport in Oakland but that he brought him to our debate. The fare gets out and walks away in disgust.

Later, Kaplan (dressed in all new bright-orange designer sweat suit and matching brand-new ‘Impeach Bush’ socks) … later Kaplan races in front of the crowd and drops his trousers to shake his balls and dick at the women and children. They laugh and he turns to realize that George Davis is doing the entire debate au’ natural and he’s become redundant (worst fate for a performance artist).

So, Kaplan drives off and regroups and comes roaring back through the tourists in his SUV. He leaps out of the van, puts a brown paper bag over his head and rolls to and fro in a fetal position in front of anyone who is speaking. And, you’re gonna tell me this asshole isn’t getting paid to disrupt us? Why do they keep giving this guy his van back?

Why are the cops letting this guy get by with this shit? He purports to be against the mayor. If that’s so, why isn’t he lying in the mayor’s office with a bag over his head? Why isn’t he shaking his penis at Dede Wilsey at the opening of the Opera?

Naw, Alec Kaplan is working a job and the job is to harass the mayor’s opponents at their gatherings. The cops go light on him and Kamala has him back on the streets complete with his vehicle and sound system within hours. He can sleep in Ed Jew’s driveway because Ed Jew is an opponent of the mayor. He can leave banana peels and shit in a bucket on Ed Jew’s front porch and walk away. Why doesn’t he do this to the mayor and if he did, do you think he’d be freed in a couple of hours and presented with his car keys and a smile?

The Mecke mirage

Quintin Mecke and Andy Blue agree on one thing. That would be that Matt Gonzalez is a complete asshole for deserting the left in this mayoral campaign cycle. Hell, I agree with them on that.So, starting a future without Gonzalez is a smart thing to do. Pretending that Quintin Mecke is Robert Kennedy or Gavin Newsom or Matt Gonzalez who must be kept apart from the minority candidates lest he be tainted … makes him a laughingstock.Yesterday Mecke passed on his 5th of the Candidates Collaborative debates to which he has been invited. We are told that this is on the advice of Julian Davis who wishes to run Mecke in another dimension that will open when they are all able to hum together in just the right way.

After the Collaborative debate, he skipped the Public Access candidates forum (which excluded me … Fire Zane Blaney!) skipped the Channel 29 Newsroom event because … ?

Andy Blue probably said it best. He showed up at Mirkarimi’s art opening with a bunch of Mecke buttons to hand out. He and Davis think they’re Haldeman and Erlichman. Blue came over to the Temple with us for the After Hour party and totally snubbed a woman who wanted to have Mecke speak at the weekly Fillmore Farmers Market. Blue didn’t think she had enough people to justify a Mecke personal appearance.

As God is my witness, he said that. He noted that Mecke had 5 appearances scheduled as Andy was sitting there.

I told him that he was full of shit up to his eyebrows and he finally admitted it: “Gonzalez used to have 5 events on a night like this but Quintin does not.”. First lie. Then, shun an opportunity to present yourself to a thousand shoppers. Speaking of ‘shun’.

Patrick Murphy … drunken anti-Semite?

In a post long-sinced scrubbed (it ran on Thursday, Sept 20th) , Pat Murphy came out and chastised the Jewish community for over-reacting to a mural on a wall at 24th a Capp and further criticizing the City’s Art Commission for holding up promised payment on the mural at the behest of a militant faction of the San Francisco Jewish community.

Jeez, that was weird to read. Patrick (had to be back on the sauce) then went on to say how he was tired of hearing that anyone who criticized anything Jews did was in danger of being “shunned” by them and saying: “Who’s afraid of being shunned by 3% of the population?”.

Christ, it was like reading vintage h. brown. Except that Patrick forgot one thing. That would be that the “3%” of the community Patrick doesn’t fear, controls 95% of his ad revenue. I understand that Sam Lauter was on the horn to Pat within minutes. Look for Patrick to come back circumcised and wearing a yarmulke. And, Pat … re-post that piece. Run my piece on the SFSOS cabal as a companion. Then, get back to me on how your advertising is holding up. And, a line from Kenny ‘the Clown’ Kahn at Friday’s debate: “I can say this because I’m Jewish, but do you know what the most conflicting words a Jew can hear are? ‘Free ham’.”.

Farrah fading fast

Pounds wise, that is. Krissy Keefer showed up for the last part of the Collaborative and we ran into her friend, Farrah as we came into da Hall headed for Ross’ monthly art opening. Krissy has been doing double dance classes with kids at Dance Mission and is in her best shape in years. I growled at Farrah for being part of the Downtown gang trying to rip-off our Public Funding for mayoral candidates kitty of 6 million bucks but had to admit that he’d lost some pounds. Lord, the only one packing on the pounds now is Eric Jaye and I hear he’s pricing fat farms. I’d say that Jaye is headed for quadruple by-pass surgery within the next 6 months.

Jew’s bag man

For those of you wondering why Tom Ammiano is being so public in his call for Ed Jew to resign? Turns out that Ed’s bag man/consultant, one Robert Chan was on Tom’s staff before and was on Leland Yee’s before then. Geez Tom, how did that happen?

I gotta close this down. Tony D will have the video done by now and Luke’s pics have been gathering dust since last evening. I want to note that from now on, Alexandra will be posting the columns on the Bulldog archive first and I’ll post a link to them in my blast. As Luke decides, sometimes they’ll be on Fog City with pics.

We have a very good life. I paused to look over the remaining crowd at Temple Bar as I stood to leave at 10:30pm or so last night. Tony was bird-dogging Hope Johnson. Luke was snuggling with main-squeeze, Elaine Santore while Sue Vaughan and Karen Babbitt traded opinions. Lonnie Holmes was going over his campaign flyers and signs with Eileen Left. Andy Blue was passing out more Quintin buttons. I realized I’d already propositioned most all of the ladies and insulted every guy. It had been another great day on the campaign trail. I meandered into the night thinking about liverwurst and crackers and peanut butter and orange juice and maybe a bourbon on the rocks. There was a good sized roach from a bomb joint in my pocket and I fired it up as I hit the streets where a light rain was beginning to fall.

I have 6 events scheduled and you’re invited to join me in each and every one. There are 48 days until the polls close on November 7th and you should be out there looking at the candidates. Let’s start with the event you won’t attend.

That would be my 66th workout in my drive to defeat Eric Jaye at something on this earth. Having noted that he was pudgy and vulnerable to a campaign built on physical fitness, I challenged him to a Speedo competition on the day after the campaign (November 8th). That’s going well on my part but I understand he’s developing amnesia on our agreement and won’t be pool-side due to his expanding girth.

The workouts are slow-motion grueling if that makes sense. I can barely run a block, so I walk huge (to me) distances (up to 12 miles daily – takes 5 hours with light exercise) … walk the long distances daily, then lie in bed in agony with leg cramps. And, yet, I’m beating the Mayor’s top strategist. Remember, Eric … there are things more important than elections and a man’s health is one of them. Take some time out and get on a treadmill somewhere.

Item 2 of 6 today is weekly Salon which has outdrawn the Candidates Collaborative these last couple of weeks. This week’s gathering has to be all about Marc Salomon and his Moratorium on building pied a’ terres for the wealthy. He brought on the Bay Guardian as point armor this week and that ain’t bad.

Item 3 is the Candidates Collaborative’s 6th debate under Gavin’s balcony in Alioto Plaza. Grasshopper has opted out with his sound system and I’m borrowing a much smaller one. Makes no difference. Being there with a sling shot at the right time is how history is made.

Item 4 is a forum on Rod Laughridge’s show on cable #29 for the entire Collaborative. This will only run a half hour or so and give us a chance to catch the end of Ross’ gig.

Item 5 is the Mirkarimi art party which is Korean art this month and I hope to see Doug MacAbee there recovering from his open-heart surgery but refusing to miss anything Korean. Also, as I recall, Joe Lynn was trying to bring an entire Korean film festival here.

Item 6 is our kibitz at Temple Bar from 8pm or so until the pitchers of beer run out.

That’s a pretty good day and while I hope to finish it upright, you are under no such obligation. Join us at any point in the process and make yourself another memory.

Let’s put the Ed Jew controversy to bed. Who was the supervisor in District 4 before Ed Jew? Who was the supervisor before that supervisor?

The answers are, Fiona Ma and Leland Yee. District 4 gets what District 4 deserves. If you vote for sleazy opportunistic hacks to represent you, expect them to act like sleazy opportunistic hacks now and again. If Ed falls, the Mayor will appoint yet another sleazy opportunistic hack who will compete with other sleazy opportunistic hacks and Barry Hermanson for the seat next year and win because District 4 is San Francisco’s Orange County.

The Examiner wrote in a headline that the Mayor was going to give all of the leftover cash from his campaign to poor teenagers so they could go to college? And, it was all a huge lie?

Yeah, actually what the Mayor proposed was that the City give all of the leftover campaign funds from his opponents war chest to the needy students. Yep, an early shot by Jim Sutton to cut cash for potential Progressive candidates in the 2011 race for Mayor.

Yeah, there will be 6 million left from this year’s Public Financing for Office of Mayor candidates due to ‘Dead Elvis’ Gonzalez sitting on the toilet too long and depriving other lefty candidates of any time to wage a serious campaign.

Law is written so that the 6 million rolls over to the next election. Without Newsom in that election, there will be a bevy of candidates from across the spectrum seeking the 12 million that will be available. The move by Sutton and Jaye is to cut that in half now under the pretense of helping poor high school students. Have these mother fuckers no shame?

Candidates who’ll be able to qualify in 2011? Susan Leal. Jeff Adachi. Mike Hennessey. Ross Mirkarimi. John Burton. Matt (“I’ll only be a minute here!”) Gonzalez. Art Bruzzone. Angela Alioto. Leno?

Well, the only mayoral ‘debate’ that includes the Mayor will be held at Koret Auditorium in the Main branch of the SF Public Library on October 11th at 6pm. Room for 300 or so in the audience and it will be first-come, first-seated so make it early as you can. I’d assume Newsom’s folks will try and control the audience just as they’ve written the format for the meeting.

The entire event is scheduled within 90 minutes and no one will be allowed to ask Newsom anything. All questions will be vetted by the League which has a pronounced bias in favor of Newsom. Their questions will be taken from their web site and culled from the audience. It will be possible for a candidate to be shut down to only 3 minutes of comment and that will be sharply restricted. Note that the President of the local chapter is the PR head from the Presidio Trust who thought it wasn’t important for Pelosi to hold a debate. Cards are stacked. Table is tilted. Photo op only.

Be at Salon 1-3pm

Candidates Collaborative under Mayor’s balcony 5-6:15pm

Mirkarimi’s art party 7-8pm

Temple Bar 8pm til beer runs out

h@ludd.net

(9-17-07)

162nd workout today. San Francisco makes it so easy. Over the weekend along my usual Tenderloin to the Marina Green and on to the Golden Gate Bridge have been the most marvelous distractions to the pain of walking and stretching and putting stress on these ancient muscles and bones.

There was a yacht race one day that was obviously sponsored by Rolex because they had their little pennants all around the SF Yacht Club (don’t get me started on them). The last couple of days there was some kind of a kids thing on the Marina Green that had all kinds of huge floating balloons like you see in the Macy’s parade. They had all these inflated huge things you see at amusement parks that you can rent for kids parties where they go in and bounce around.

The people are the best. I work out like the lug I am, struggling in the grass to do more and more leg-ups and sit-ups while I spend most of my time rubbing out the torturous cramps and go on to the next set and then to the apparatus Walt Stack had them put here 25 years ago when I used to jog with him … to do push-ups on the low bar.

The women, ‘people’ is what I meant. Don’t chastise me for being a hound. I know I’m a hound. I’ve been a hound my whole life. I thank God for it. But here, you get the women in this decade with their trainers. I never seen nothing like it.

So, Saturday I decided to do the total tourist thing and it was wonderful. It was an accidental start to the thing. You get to have these normal routes and routines when you’re getting into a workout program and mine has been to jog down Hyde Street from Civic Center to the Bridge (yeah, long way). Saturday I went by Luke’s place off Jones and took Jones on over to the Bay and what a different route.

On a Saturday evening just before Sunset, the place was (as you’d hope) filled with tourists. They hold hands!

“Oh, look, a roach!” said Connie Brown and I fell in love with her instantly when she crushed it with her bare hand. It had crawled out of my lunch bag on my first day of high school and because they seated us in alphabetical order, she sat in front of me for 4 years.

During which she became the Captain of the Cheerleaders and I became … whatever I’ve become. And, hey guys and girls, that was 45 years ago. I’ve never been to a high school reunion but if I’m able, I want to go to my 50th high school reunion and find out what happened to the pretty little blonde with the great ass who wasn’t afraid of a roach.

Can you imagine my horror when the roach crawled out of my lunch bag and headed for her? For God’s sake, I was barely 14 years old and already a nerd and the prettiest girl in the class had just taken a seat in front of me.

All roaches are suicidal. Wouldn’t you be suicidal if you were a roach? I mean, c’mon, why in the hell do they walk right out in front of you and just stand there (often, with your guests watching) … why would they just stand there and stare at you and dare you to kill them? Really, 150 million years and they haven’t learned better? Are the resurgence of roaches and bedbugs related to global warming? Are they rushing into the open and facing certain death because we are their natural host and they want to warn us? At least they aren’t into self-immolation. That could be hell on the insurance rates.

And, what an appearance. Yesterday was the 2007 San Francisco Mayoral Collaborative’s 5th Friday debate under Gavin’s window and we had 11 candidates show up.

Josh Wolf

He and his dad, Len Harrison had Grasshopper Kaplan’s cab and sound system (thanks Grasshopper). Len made another attempt to video-stream the debate but I don’t know how it turned out.

Mike Powers

He and his wife look like a powerful Viking super-hero/ine couple come to life from a comic book. They were dressed in complimenting kilt skirt based ensembles that set off their golden tans and screamed power. Which is appropriate wince Power is their name and the name of their business also. I take back anything bad I said about him for not showing up. I’m dying to hear him give a speech. This week he just watched from the crowd and remained anonymous til the last minutes of the forum. I immediately asked for a free ticket to the Power Exchange. They laughed. He said we’ll see something out of his campaign next week.

Ahimsa Sumchai

I’ve been endorsing her and Josh Wolf since week one and see no reason to back off. The woman is a walking encyclopedia and I’m in awe of her.

George Davis

I ragged on this guy mercilessly in the early weeks but now I’m a fan. He and Kenny (the clown) Kahn got into a discussion about making a living working the tourists crowd on Fisherman’s Wharf and it was instructive to hear what they each thought of the ‘Bushman’. Kenny’s one cerebral clown. Earlier at Salon, George told me about a new business he’s putting together on the Wharf where he gets photographed in the nude with tourists (the tourists aren’t nude - at least I don’t think so).

Kenny the Clown

What a forceful personality. Another huge guy with a riveting presentation. Later at our After Party at the Temple Bar, someone said that Kenny looked like a clown even without his clown suit and someone else said he should wear his clown suit to the next debates. We voted and all agreed. Kenny nodded as he juggled unlit fire batons and did card tricks. We stayed late and while Kenny juggled, the bartender came out from behind the bar and gave us a New York display of ‘3 card Monty’ that almost blinded us. I couldn’t have picked the card if we’d been playing ‘1 card Monty’.

Lonnie Holmes

He had to practice with his kids (football coach for couple of decades) but made it to the After Party. Wait until you see his campaign signs. Other than Krissy Keefer’s signs with the Eric Drooker figure from last year’s congressional campaign, Lonnie has the best looking signs I’ve ever seen. Navy blue trim and lettering with the Golden Gate Bridge and … well, you’ll see em.

Wilma Pang

She emphasizes her pioneering candidacy (first Chinese woman to run – a reader tells me that Ahimsa is actually the second African-American to seek to become Mayor) … emphasizes gender and race but that’s OK by me. She made it to our After Party for the first time and was part of a real bevy of beauties that included Elaine Santore, Karen Babbitt, Sue Vaughan, Hope Johnson and Danielle Erville. The divine, Krissy Keefer was at the deabate but missed the After Party. We drank a lot of beer at Temple Bar last night.

Billy Bob Whitmer

Now a write-in candidate, Billy Bob was elegant in a Southern gentleman (to me) demeanor and impeccable dress as he spoke with love and concern about the deterioration of SFUSD after-school programs.

Jerry Jarvis

Also now an official write-in, Jerry is a tireless blogger who has mastered the issues playing in shark tanks like the Wall and SF Junto. I respect this guy a lot and I want to see more of his pictures posted but he’s taken on more work.

Sylvia Johnson

She once told Aaron Peskin that people have trouble understanding her because she sees things backwards. Kind of like Merlin the magician in Camelot. That explains so much. .hcum os snialpxe thaT

“I don’t understand why more people don’t come to these.”

(Karen Babbitt)

These forums get better and better. I’m always wondering when I approach our Town Square (Civic Center/Alioto Piazza) if there will be anyone else there. By 5 minutes past 5, it was just Josh and I. By 5:30pm, the place was crawling with candidates and we got some trickle-down interviews from Mike Sugerman (Channel #5) who joined my ‘boys and girls’ blast list yesterday with C.W. Nevius. I pointed out to the TV audience that the half dozen or so network trucks parked on either side of our gathering were there because Newsom had bought an idea I first proposed back in June (firing all department, agency and commission heads) … and, I said that this proved that the ideas of the little people down in the Square could make it up into the room behind the Mayor’s balcony above and behind us without our being elected. They listen because we’re here.

Our moderator was a distinguished looking guy named Mark (forget last name and would probably misspell it anyway) from Channel #29’s ‘NewsRoom’ which will have half of the candidates into their studio after next week’s gathering. The moderators for this series have totally rocked. Next week we have the Bay Area Reporter’s representative if I remember correctly. Down the road, I’ve proposed Greg Dewar to Josh. Greg knows the local scene like the back of his hand and I want to hear his questions to our candidates.

Snubs

The only 2 candidates who haven’t made a single event are Newsom and John Rinaldi who seems welded at the hip to the mayor. The secret committee that chose Mecke has kept him out of all but one debate. Harold Hoogasian may stop attending because he heard that Grasshopper (who is currently, ahem, otherwise occupied) smoked a joint on stage last week. People smoke pot in San Francisco?

It’s amazing to me that with 54 days left in the contest, media and Gonzalez cult darling, Quintin Mecke hasn’t even started to run. Well, I guess you have to consider that he learned at the foot of the great procrastinator himself, ‘Dead Elvis’ Gonzalez. Quintin gave a nice 2 minute presentation in Public Comment before the Rules Committee this week but only us wonks watch the Board and he’s been invisible on the campaign trail. His handlers are treating him like he’s Newsom with a huge lead, and that just ain’t the case.

Notables

Bob Brigham (he’s working the fertile Salon and Collaborative blogger herd for Mark Leno) had the best seat at the debate in a folding canvas chair complete with drink holder. Like Leno, Brigham has lots of class and style. I wonder what supervisoral district he lives in.

Pat Monk was there celebrating his inaugural column on Luke Thomas’ Fog City Journal. Pat’s Dr. Sumchai’s most devoted supporter and there are plenty.

My best friend, Daniel Cohen of Penn Grove made it to Salon and when I told him Joe Veronese had invited me to a wine harvest party up in his neck of the woods (Sonoma/Napa), he and Marc Salomon (Marc’s birthday was last Friday and he spent last weekend flying from here to Oregon to NYC where he had a fabulous meal and he and Daniel were going over the menu from his birthday meal at a great New York restaurant – Daniel is French and got to appear with Allan Rickman in a movie on wine tasting just completed up Sonoma way – they wanted to see the menu from Foreign Cinema, SF primo restaurant, for the meal that Chris Cummings took us to last week – Happy Birthday, Marc) … Marc and Daniel immediately wanted to come to the Veronese soiree. How about it, Joe?

I didn’t know Phil Frank but I’ve known Farley since I was a young man and he will never die. Like Charles Schultz, Phil built such a trove of cartoons over the years that I’m certain I’ll be marveling at the wisdom of Babba and Beppo and Bruce for the rest of my years. It’s kind of like when Hunter Thompson died and Uncle Duke only had a slight shiver for the disturbance in the Force and then went on. Put in a good word for me, Phil and send me an idea now and then.

That’s enough.

For now.

Get well wishes to Doug MacAbee recovering from triple bypass.

To Joe Lynn who gets his radiation and chemo schedule next week.

To Vincente at the pot club who faces colon surgery next week.

And, to Ania Wierzbowska whose new hip joint is healing fast.

Thanks to Art Persyko for the interview and tolerating my bad manners.

60 workouts and counting.

Well, the Mayor stole another of my shit sandwiches and now he’s having to chew it slowly in front of the press and in chat rooms. Serves him right for looting my lunch box.

I’m talking about the ‘I will fire your boss’ proclamation I included in my Ballot Statement when I entered the race for Mayor back in June. Here’s that bugger in its entirety:

Ballot statement 2007

My occupation is Publisher, SF Bulldog

My expertise is in political analysis, public safety and program development for the behaviorally disturbed. I hold a Master’s degree in Special Education from Clemson University. I have other degrees and certifications in Fire Technology, Cryptology and Emergency Medical Care.

I am a Viet Nam era veteran of the U.S. Navy. I spent the vast majority of my 47 years of work in public service. I’ve been a firefighter, teacher, coach and I built and operated a large jazz club in my youth.

For the past decade I’ve covered the political beat at San Francisco City Hall for a variety of publications. My medium is political satire and I’ve written over a thousand columns ranging from profane to mundane.

My promise is to fire your boss. That would be 61 department heads and hundreds of commissioners, agency and authority directors and their PR staffs. I will replace them with veteran City employees from within those departments, agencies and authorities.

I am a 63 year old straight white man. My grandchildren are African-American. My own ethnic roots are German-Jew and Scots-Irish Protestant. I believe in God, judgment and the SF 49’ers.

Thank you,

h. brown

It seems I got the number of department heads wrong. I thought there were 63 and that a mayor couldn’t fire the heads of Elections and Ethics. The Mayor thinks there are 53 department heads. Where’d I get the number 63? Are there 63 counties in the state? I know it’s an important number or it wouldn’t be wedged into my confused brain. … I know! I’m 63 years old this year. That has to be it. Anyway, it was my idea and frankly, I’m getting a bit tired of local politicians and journalists cadging my shit and printing it as their own without attribution. Newsom’s not alone. Just in the last week, 3 of my ideas were floated from readers of my column as the product of other minds.

Chris Daly

Daly announced at Tuesday’s Board that just out of the blue, he’d had this brilliant thought that perhaps the Blue Angels could still do their air show if they’d just fly in from the ocean to stage center over the Bay in front of the Marina. That was my idea and he stole it and knows it. Perhaps that’s why he didn’t return my last call on the subject.

I want to extend the idea. When this subject goes back to committee, Daly should insist that the City’s Office of Emergency Services and Homeland Security go on record supporting the Angels’ yearly high speed wingtip-to-wingtip weave between the City’s skyscrapers. Cause, I worked in an ECM (‘Electronic Countermeasures’) unit when I was in the Navy and we were able to totally confuse radio communications and navigation apparatus on similar fighter-bombers by simply dropping aluminum chad from higher flying aircraft. It would be just like a low-tech terrorist to use a little compressed air and ten bucks worth of chad to blanket the jets’ path between our tallest buildings (when I posted this observation on Sfgate, they let it stay for around 60 seconds then deleted it).

My point is that we should have learned from 9/11 that terrorists can use our own aircraft against us. In the case of the Blue Angels, it would be no more difficult than dumping a bucket of chad from one of the windows of the Hastings Law College dorm down the block from me. Daly should force Homeland Security to weigh in on the issue. Instead he brings in disabled veterans and people with nervous dogs. These people’s lives aren’t threatened by the flights. It is only an inconvenience to them. The fact is, the flight path this aerial acrobatic team (and, by the way, I love em) is allowed to take, presents an enormous opportunity for terrorists. While they couldn’t touch em flying in from the ocean and over the Bay, they can sure fuck with em at 250 feet (I have friends who watch the things from highrises every year and they say that they are not only looking down on the pilots, but that they can see their smiling faces).

Tim Redmond

“I wouldn’t build a single market rate
unit until the rich are living in the streets.”

I wrote that months ago talking about what I would do as Mayor. This Wednesday, Redmond came up (yeah, sure) with a wonderful idea of how a new Mayor should address the absence of construction of low-rent housing:

“So, here’s the deal: you people sit here
and figure out a way to make it happen,
including how to pay for it – and until you do,
not one new market-rate project will get approved
by my Planning Commission.”

Yeah, that Tim, he’s a real idea machine. These assholes have been stealing my ideas for years. Foot Patrols. Opening the bathrooms in the parks, for God’s sake!

Note to these guys. If you like the coat or hat I’m wearing and you steal it while I’m in the crapper, then you wear it to a party? It won’t fit you cause you aren’t me and you’re gonna look ridiculous like you are no. I’m not bitter (well, maybe a little) but I just want to say that if you want to hear original new ideas, don’t read the Chronicle or the Bay Guardian (they have a piece in the works now tying Burning Man and Public Power to the Iraq war, I hear) … come and hear it from the horse’s mouth.

Today 5-6:30 pm
Across from City Hall
In Joe Alioto Plaza
The 5th Debate
SF Mayoral Candidates Collaborative

I’m not the only candidate with great new ideas. Listen to Harold Hoogasian talk about a subway system that stretches from Ocean Beach to Marin. Hear Josh Wolf explain how the City should enable 11 District Halloween parties. Watch the Grasshopper Kaplan show. We’re worth the trip. It is of note, by the way, that not only the Chron and the Examiner and SF Weekly refuse to even list these debates as events, but also (and sadly), the Bay Guardian.

Salon 1-3pm as usual

Keep your powder dry.

Recall Sean Elsbernd!

When you have a window overlooking the action at U.N. Plaza, you get to see lots of arrests, but today’s takedown that just went down under my window was a new scene altogether.

No shooting or fighting or anything like that. It was the nature of the response. Four of the first 6 vehicles on the scene were cops on bikes and the other 2 were undercover civilian-looking vans (one trashed and the other bright and shiny).

Whomever they got, they were elated. Within 5 minutes, there were a half dozen undercover cops there going through the vehicle (I thought I saw a bullet-proof vest as being one of the first items taken from the suspect’s trunk) and sharing their finds.

Within 10 minutes Tenderloin Captain, Gary Jiminez was there and he stayed and spoke with passers-by and the manager of the Renoir Hotel and several people from Café do Brasil (arrest was at their doorstep on McAllister) and patted a couple of the first cops in on the bust on the back.

Naw, but that was just such a much better mix of street cops than we usually see around San Francisco. Four bicycles!! Hey, I’d have like to see a couple of Patrol Specials on foot, but this was a vast improvement. Kudos to one of my favorite whipping boys. Now let’s see some single-officer walking patrols.

Apologies too. I phoned Luke Thomas when Captain Jiminez showed up and he immediately said he was gonna run over (he lives right around the corner) and get some shots. When he didn’t show in 5 minutes and Jiminez started to lose, I got on the fire escape and yelled at the cops to have him stay cause a photographer was coming. Then, Thomas gets on the phone and I look like a worse idiot than usual. Sorry, captain. Luke can run a file photo if he runs this. The main point is that there is a definite change in response (no more 15 screaming patrol cars) and it is appreciated.

Geez, I only put one promise in my statement for the Voter Handbook and Newsom rips it off 58 days before the election. I’ve been ranting about Gavin’s hypocrisy for continually saying during the last campaign that: “You can’t do things the same way and expect different results.” … then, keeping everything (particularly the usual suspects) in charge. I guess he shut me up.

I’m watching the 49’ers on the tube but the reception is bad and the sound goes up and down uncontrollably, so I have the game on the radio too. Sound down on TV.

The first half there was about a 2 second delay from the time the play happened on the tube and when they described it on the radio. I thought about it and assumed it was a delay in case one of the commentators started cursing a blue streak or something.

Then, the second half, the radio has been ahead of the TV image? Yeah, really. Go figure. It’s stranger than the sound being delayed because you can hear what’s going to happen a couple of beats before it happens on the television. It is truly weird. You know the pass will be incomplete. You know how far a run will go. Kind of like God, you know (well, they won like God was involved).

He was inviting Ahimsa to a Friday evening forum on Channel 29’s ‘Newsroom’ during the same time as our weekly Collaborative debate. I wonder how many candidates will choose the TV show over group unity?

This is getting more interesting all the time. We have 2 candidates out of the race, one in jail and another threatened with prosecution. Now, we have a Cable Access news show trying to divide us further. I got a feeling I ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

The Board is back and Peskin continues to schedule two committees in the same time slot just to fuck with me. OK, maybe not but it sure seems like it.

Today is was particularly bad because the only 2 items that interested me (Grand Jury report on SFPD and Public Safety Concerns in the Tenderloin) were at the same time and in different committees on different channels. And, they were tied closely together.

As I flipped channels I listened to the cops say that they were still studying which jobs in the department could be civilianized just as they’ve been studying the issue for the last 16 years. Were they to just increase their percentage of civilians in the department to 20% (San Diego has 34%) they could put another 200 cops on foot patrols.

That was in Sean Elsbernd’s Government Audits and Oversight Committee which hurried the review along and listened to the head of SFPD Homicide argue that the increase in the number of murders by knife was actually a good thing because it was evidence that the cops had been so successful getting more guns off the streets. They’re getting real creative on defining deaths as something other than ‘murder’ too.

In the other room Chris Daly (he’s on Audits too, so had to keep running back and forth across the hall) was presenting a fascinating group of Tenderloin stakeholders in a discussion before Ross Mirkarimi’s Public Safety Committee concerning crime in the Tenderloin. Their discussion made it obvious that the thing they need most (should say ‘we’ need, cause I live here too) … thing the neighborhood needs the most is cops on foot.

Terance Allen told of a project called ‘Safe Haven’ that he and several neighborhood merchants have formed. The idea is that they put up a decal that says ‘Safe Haven’ and it means that if someone is getting chased to be mugged or murdered, they can duck into that business and be protected.

Isn’t that the cops’ job? Citizen after citizen came forward with exactly the same story. Someone from the Academy of Art on U.N. Plaza came to say that the vermin there regularly hassle the students and could the cops do something cause they would if it were happening in Pacific Heights.

People talked about why did the cops allow a dozen to twenty drug dealers to populate the corners of O’Farrell and Jones for 24/7/365? They asked how they could get closed businesses open around Golden Gate and Jones and elsewhere.

Here’s why

The cops don’t put more feet on the street because it’s dangerous work and they don’t want to take any more chances than they have to. Their union keeps as many as possible completely off the streets and in the stations and headquarters at all times.

They don’t fly helicopters cause that’s too dangerous. They don’t have kiosks in bad spots or even tourists areas because that’s too dangerous. Ideally, they’d like to telecommute from Walnut Creek through their crime cameras. A ‘Telecommute Foot Patrol’, now that’s something. Then if they saw any crime, they could send Robo Cop.

The storefronts in the area people complained about are empty because guys like Walter Shorenstein own most of them and they emptied them so that the neighborhood would become blighted and eligible for more government funds for them.

The dealers are corralled into one area because they know that if they go to a nicer neighborhood, the cops will arrest them. It’s called a ‘Containment Zone’ and it exists because it takes fewer cops to cover the smaller spaces and the last thing the cops want is to have to get out of their cars or from behind their desks and walk where you walk. The dealers and their customers all know where they can deal. Same with the hookers and theirs.

In Elsbernd’s committee the cops referred to their brand new contract that runs until June of 2011. It keeps the streets dangerous and them out of danger to the maximum degree possible. Problem for us is that the safer it is for the cops, the more dangerous it is for us. And, it won’t change because Newsom will give them even more power in the next contract because he’ll be running for governor and will need the SFPD to tell the Prison Guards Union what a great guy he is.

The best source for the needed increase in foot patrol and kiosk and helicopter and bus cops is civilianization. The way the cops were able to blow off the Grand Jury Report and say essentially that they’d be sure and look at when they get the chance … the way the cops were able to do that shows that there won’t be any of that going on.

We don’t need more cops. We have more cops than there have ever been in the history of this city. What we need is a re-deployment of the force we have. The business community knows all of this very well. Thus, more and more private security is showing up all around the City.

The Renoir Hotel across the street from me at 7th and Market, has a constant security guy walking the sidewalk around their building. That is not a bit unusual. Businessmen and women have created CBD’s (Community Business Districts) and several other organizations to not just hire their own security to fill the breach left by the inefficient deployment of the SFPD, but also to do the job of the DPW in simply keeping the streets and sidewalks around their shops clean.

Newsom has no ideas of his own

That’s why he steals mine. And Gonzalez’s. And, Ammiano’s. And, Ammiano’s. Community Courts. Immigrant ID’s. Tidal Energy. Gay Marriage. Health Care. Foot Patrols. Open bathrooms. And, we know one thing from Gavin’s first 4 years.

He’ll do them all half-assed and in such a way as to make it easier for his billionaire buddies to save money and steal public funds and property. Not to worry, though.

I walked the 12 miles or so to the Bridge and back and I’m not in pain. I did more push-ups and sit-ups and leg-ups than I have in 10 years. I’m still not in shape but it’s coming along. Let that be a lesson to you. I want to kick Eric Jaye’s ass in something and I hear he’s really been packing on the pounds.

When you go into a battle you cannot win against impossible odds, always have a Plan B at which you have a plausible chance of succeeding. It just makes sense.

Josh Wolf for Mayor

It saves flowers and candy and stuffed animals if you do some blunt cross-examination early on in a relationship. And, though the day closed with a rejection and there were plenty more during the day (none romantic, those smart and I seldom make more than one venture that way daily), I have to say that yesterday was one of the most satisfying days of my life. You see, in my old age, I have learned the secret to success.

I’d started the day with .23 on my Food Stamp card and $2 in my pocket. But, I had a gallon of orange juice in my mini fridge, half a box of saltine crackers and several pieces of fruit. Hey, I bought a Chron for .50, a large cup of French roast coffee for the other $1.50 and pretended I was on a crackers, fruit and orange juice diet in my preparation for the Olympics.

Or, a Speedo competition with Eric Jaye. I really do stoke myself with pretend thoughts like that when I haul my aching bones out of bed and get ready for the daily workout. It’s my Plan ‘B’ during this ‘certain-ass kicking’ election season and it has gone fabulously.

But, enough about me, how are you doing? Still in withdrawal from the absence of a competitive race for the office of Mayor of San Francisco? Let me catch you up on what’s been happening in the race-that’s-not-a-race.

I ran into Rinaldi (that’s ‘Chicken’s’ last name – call him ‘RiValdi’ and use the ‘v’ and he goes apeshit – not that I’m the kind of guy who ever tries to irritate anyone) … ran into John at the Ethics Commission where there’s a MANDATORY power point presentation on how to report the money you collect and spend all the way up to and past umpteen million even if you’ve never raised a dime and don’t intend to (that pissed me off).

He (John) says he won’t come to the Candidates Collaborative debates and will hold his own debates wherever he wants. He echoes Newsom in denying that the Collaborative is a real ‘organization’ and again talks about his ‘secret’ weapon to be unveiled in October. He’s fucking nuttier than Grasshopper Kaplan and he plays with flames and pyrotechnics. Maybe it’s best we don’t mix the Chicken with the Grasshopper and the naked guy and fire and explosions.

Earlier in the week Rivaldi had sent me an email telling me that Mike Farrah (Newsom Senior Adviser – for dirty tricks?) didn’t “exactly” offer him a job if he’d run in the race, then puts the rest of the correspondence ‘off the record’.

At Ethics he says it will be a bad thing if he doesn’t get his donations toward Public Financing validated and he’ll know by Monday (tomorrow, the 10th). I make comments about leading an army of black and brown and yellow people to occupy Pacific Heights. The candidate for Sheriff and a couple of campaign treasurers move their chairs a little further away from us while the Ethics staffer explains what we should know about not knowing about independent expenditures made on our behalf that we don’t know about. It was one of those government meetings where you come out knowing less then you knew when you went in. A brain drain kind of thing.

With the Department of Elections having tossed Billy Bob Whitmer off the island and Tony Hall rowing off on his own, there will ‘only’ be 12 candidates on the ballot. Eight of the candidates are committed to the Friday debates, one (Mecke) is a ‘sometimes shows’.

For our first Collaborative debate we had 11 of 14 candidates present. Only the Mayor, Rinaldi and the Power exchange guy declined. This past Friday we had 8 on stage. There were 5 of the remaining 12 candidates and 2 write-ins (Kenny – the clown – Kahn and Jerry Jarvis), plus Sylvia Johnson whose universe is backwards. I was pleasantly surprised at how smoothly the thing went and how much information got passed from candidates to audience and back at the candidates.

It was the Bay Guardian’s week to host and City Editor Steven Jones did a masterful job moderating and making certain Grasshopper and I didn’t punch out each others’ lights. Kaplan has done everything he can to destroy the one forum most of the candidates have and I tossed in his face that he shouldn’t be attacking our gatherings if it’s the Mayor he’s angry with. I still think he’s a plant. I mean, why doesn’t he go to Gavin’s office and pull that shit? Why is he harassing Gavin’s ‘enemy’, Ed Jew when he could be sleeping in Gavin’s driveway? Tension. Energy. Knowledge. These things are worth seeing. Afterward, we retired to the Temple Bar with Bob Brigham and a whole bunch of other people I forget because I got drunk. I do remember Lonnie Holmes saying that he’d gone to the Guardian for his interview that day and George Davis and I looked at each other and drank in the fact that it would appear that we ain’t gonna get to tell Timmy Redmond about our dreams for Fog Town. But, we’re used to being shunned and fell back to talking about some shots Luke Thomas says he’ll take of us.

It was a good day. Salon kicked ass and a friend brought by a small battery-operated amp and mic to use at the debate should Grasshopper follow-through on his threat to disconnect his sound system after a few guitar solos. That had worked out with a minimum of hassle.

After Salon, Luke, myself and Bob Brigham passed the hour or so before the debate sipping mimosas at Luke’s and surfing the net. The debate itself, as I said, went well and Tony DeRenzo’s excerpts are on Google video under SF Mayor’s Race 2007 or something like that.

I’d done my legal duty for Ethics, gotten in a good workout before a kick-ass Salon I was going to get to see my daughter the next day. I went to sleep smiling.

I didn’t raise my kids, so I missed important memories due to not ever having had the experiences if you know what I mean. Like, your daughter’s first date. Well, I had something like that experience yesterday.

Mona (that’s her name) emailed a couple of weeks ago and said she was coming up to the City from Fresno on the 8th and would I like to go to a baseball game? After a couple of exchanges, it became obvious that she was bringing a guy whom she wanted me to meet.

When the time arrived yesterday I was broke and worried about missing my 11am senior lunch at St. Anthony’s around the corner from my SRO. I’m always embarrassed when someone invites me out and I don’t have any money and have to say something funny like: “If you’re buying!” or: “If you buy me a beer!”. Stuff like that. I was wondering if they’d buy me a hot dog. Well, it turns out that I needn’t have worried.

Did I mention that I needn’t have worried? Anyway, I stopped worrying when they roared up in his Porche and we were whisked from the VIP lounge by a very baseball savvy intern named Eric, who just happened to be from Fresno where my daughter and her new beau live (not together – his name is Chris Cummings, by the way). So, Eric walks us right out of the stands and ONTO the playing field.

I’m 63 and my dream from the time I was 5 until late last year was to catch on with some Minor League team and work my way up to a shot at the bigs. This is the first time I’ve ever set foot on the playing surface of any pro stadium and I’m stunned. The Giants are playing the Dodgers and Barry Zito is pitching against David Wells. I get to stand and look into the stands from the players’ viewpoint and the ballpark is like a huge and beautiful toy.

Eric and Chris talk about Fresno and players and some guy named ‘Brian’ that Chris is supposed to talk to. I’d expected for there to be around 50 people for the ‘tour’ and not only is it personal, it’s not stopping with the field.

We toured the luxury boxes where corporations and the wealthy watch from the snazziest little rooms that have refrigerators and micro-waves and sinks and tables and real fabric and cushion chairs. I’m here to tell you, it ain’t at all like the Tenderloin.

We walked around in the press box which is huge. Must be a hundred feet long and, with 3 levels, around 20 feet deep. I recognize several of the much reviled Chronicle’s scribes hunting and pecking like the proverbial 20 monkeys on the eternal typewriters working throughout eternity to reproduce all of the great novels. I’d settle for one fair column about Barry Bonds.

Then, we’re in the executive offices and we’re drinking real coffee when Larry Baer hurries through and slows down to say ‘Hi’ to Chris. By then I realize that my daughter’s guy is owner/managing partner of the Giant’s Triple A, Fresno team and that ‘Brian’ is Brian Sabean. I take another sip of the coffee and am grateful I didn’t go to the soup kitchen instead.

The game was memorable. Wells took a perfect game into the 6th until I jinxed him by commenting about it (a baseball superstition). I talked to a Dodger fan sitting in front of us throughout the game and we agreed that Zito and Wells didn’t throw more than a half dozen bad pitches between them for the entire game. We lost, by the way, but it really didn’t matter.

Sabean’s assistant, I believe (Director of Player Development) came and sat with us and it turned out that the Dodger fan in front of us (‘Al’ I think) has a son in the Giants farm system who could be headed for Chris’ and the Giants’ Triple A, Fresno Grizzlies. Small world.

I jogged and walked back home and phoned Krissy Keefer and Luke to see if they wanted to go out for wine with me and Mona and Chris. What a great time.

Luke and I met the kids from Fresno (where it turns out Chris also owns the local hockey and soccer teams and is building a big solar powered complex complete with a skating rink, 160 rental apartments – 35 affordable and retail space). Luke bought us round-trip BART tickets to 24th and Mission and he and Luke talked about soccer as we rumbled beneath the scenic SF streets.

I wanted to go to Gus’ Medjool’s but we ended up at the Foreign Cinema next door and it was a smart move. Definitely one of the best restaurants I’ve every been in.

We sat in the mezzanine and I wiped out a couple of bourbons before my daughter switched me to the fine cabernet Chris had chosen. I stopped counting at around 4 bottles. Elaine Santore had joined us and we all walked up to Krissy’s Dance Mission and danced in the huge studio overlooking 24th and Mission while Luke played the piano.

What a weekend. This morning it was back to the soup kitchen (I only eat there a few times a month but I want to profoundly thank all of the wonderful people who donate their time and money) … back to the soup kitchen and this column and some very good new memories and I’m amazed and fazed and going over to Luke’s for a glass of wine.

What a life.

The debates are getting more interesting. The one today was hosted by an umbrella organization of tenants called ‘TAC’ and was watched by around a hundred people and a half dozen or so cops. The location was 201 Turk Street which is one hell of a nice brand new low-income building in the worst part of the Tenderloin.

Things got going one minute into the debate with someone pulling the fire alarm and all of us being escorted out of the building by the cops. Acts II and III in the area of the absurd were solo performances by Grasshopper Kaplan who promises to cause shit again for this Friday’s gathering (read further, these were actually Kaplan’s third and fourth transgressions).

Entering last, the moderator (radio journalist named Conley) re-arranged everything to add an extra table (no one expected Mecke to show up I guess) for Kaplan. He comes in and starts screaming at the top of his lungs that he has to eat because he’s starving to death right in front of us and is homeless and he can’t eat the pizza they offered him (nor the apple or watermelon they later brought). Hey, he could have eaten before the debate as we all did. There was plenty of food and the fruit would certainly be acceptable to any other Vegan in the world.

So, the moderator goes down there (of course, he’s sitting next to me and sympathy for assholes has never been my long suit) … moderator comes to try and calm him down and pats him reassuringly on the shoulder.

Which, of course is what the prick wanted and he starts screaming this absurd “assaulted” bullshit. Finally, the two cops covering the room became four and the Vegan was led outside.

Returns about an hour later carrying a ‘Newsom for Mayor’ sign and announcing he’s there to speak for the Mayor. Now, that I can believe. This time the cops take him away and arrest him for trespassing (out within the hour if ever in). He’s yelling and screaming for the crowd and candidates to come support him and about how the moderator had assaulted him. He’s a provocateur, pure and simple.

Crowd’s not impressed. They’re used to real crazy people. Several of them follow him outside and by now the TL station’s on-duty lieutenant is there. I stay in my seat and start eyeing the apple they brought for candidate Kaplan. The debate continues.

Tony DeRenzo filmed it all

Plus the actual exchanges and they were great. Conley brought the whole thing to the finish line in just 5 minutes over the planned time limit and considering Grasshopper’s shenanigans, that was quite a feat. Tony filmed it all as he did the previous 3 debates and I’ll give you the link when they’re posted. I’m anxious to see the tape myself.

Harold Hoogasian is the most ‘passionate’ (as the Mayor likes to say) candidate and doesn’t hide his disdain for Rent Control or the high level of salary and benefits enjoyed by City employees. I love his idea of building a really serious subway system to make Muni reliable but at the same time he thinks there should be no limits on the construction of more parking garages.

Quintin Mecke was there and though I ragged on him for not showing up for the previous two debates, he held his poise and acquitted himself well. He’s held positions in several agencies that were undercut by first Willie, then Gavin. He was a judge in the original Community Court System which was reduced to hearing just a couple of cases a month after Kamala Harris was elected instead of arrested and halted Hallinan’s practice

Ahimsa Sumchai concentrated more on her experiences as a physician and shined when the questions were around health insurance and health and housing for the poor and there are no more important issues. No one mentioned the Guardian’s back-handed article on her in today’s edition. A couple of savy readers immediately wrote to say that the piece was a preparation for them to endorse Mecke as the only ‘sane’ candidate. Well, I do declare.

Lonnie Holmes is a natural politician with a real future. With Hall out of the race, he’s my first choice to watch my back in any real emergency. The man don’t rattle if you’ll pardon my colloquial agreement errors. Still. Still, he wouldn’t go for Lennar’s carotid and that bothers me. Also, he’s the only City employee running against his boss and doing it easily with no qualms. Is he the next head of the Mayor’s Office of Criminal Justice?

George Davis was positively demure and had little to say about any of the issues. It wasn’t his week to be the distraction and he’s been honest about being clueless and saying he’d hire Newsom because Gavin knows what he’s doing. That last part, though? I disagree with that last part. Gavin’s only a cardboard cutout.

Josh Wolf is the leader of our Friday debates in front of City Hall and he gets along with everyone. That could be enough to make him a great mayor. He didn’t say anything today that I disagreed with and I’m a critical motherfucker (watch the film when I get the link). Let’s see how he handles the ‘blossoming’ of Grasshopper.

Billy Bob Whitmer was a no-show and someone said that the Department of Elections took him off the ballot because of some monetary problem and that he was going to challenge them in court. When I phoned him for confirmation, he said that he was there but that when the candidates were put into a holding room, Grasshopper had broken that up twice by playing piano while they were trying to meet and that Kaplan had to be taken out twice by building security screaming: “Why can’t I just play the piano”.

Billy Bob also said that he’d not meant to actually complete the filing process but to fill out all the paperwork, then quit right there but that they’d taken his check and that he couldn’t cover it and that Kamala was going to prosecute him for his actions.

Well, that’s a bunch of bullshit and I told Billy Bob that he should come to our debate on Friday because last week we had the other Kaplan, the clown from Oakland and that he works the wharf in SF and was a great addition.

If I knew better, I wouldn’t’ say that Jaye expected to run against an organized IRV slate of Matt Gonzalez, Chris Daly and Ross Mirkarimi with Tony Hall draining at least 7% of the ‘moderate’ voters who wouldn’t list Newsom as a second or third pick because of what he did to Tony. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that Eric was smart enough to bring in faux candidates and provocateurs if such a phalanx of kings (Gonzo, Chris and Ross) appeared united on the horizon.

I don’t know better, so I’m going to think that it is possible that the Downtown Machine through Jaye, entered a couple of provocateurs (today was Grasshopper’s turn) and a couple of ethnic candidates who look favorably upon Gavin as a second choice.

And, in the wings you have Chicken John Rinaldi and Michael Powers who really aren’t needed to make the slate of candidates look even worse. Is it possible that they were promised favors? I mean, I’d hate to think that Rinaldi is going to end up with ten million bucks in art grants to administer and that Jimmy Ginn (Powers’ landlord at the Power Exchange) is going to suddenly have less problems with his building permits.

If I didn’t know better, I’d say that when you build a dirty tricks operation and employ scumbags, you don’t remember Watergate and you don’t realize that these things always end up as public knowledge.

Come to Friday’s debate under the Mayor’s balcony in Alioto Plaza from 5-6:30pm. Kaplan (the provocateur, not the clown) has promised to disrupt this one too by coming an hour early, setting up his sound system while he plays guitar, then shutting it down when the other candidates arrive. He’ll be illegal, of course and so will we since the first week when they put me on phone tag for a permit and then hung up on me and the Mayor refuses to provide the same sound system he provides regularly to Amos Brown without a permit on the front stairs of City Hall to drown out Ahimsa and the real voices of Hunters Point and the Bay View … .

We don’t need the guy’s sound system. One newspaper said that we had 37 people in the audience last Friday. All of the candidates are experienced public speakers. We can reach that many folks without a microphone and guess what? All of the cameras have sound systems and you can hear everything just fine in the recordings.

If you don’t come, we could end up just talking to ourselves and you know what? That’s OK. The only sin to me is not being there and not fighting the gentrification and privatization of San Francisco.

Anyone got an amplifier and a generator?

I got the apple.