Chief Gascon agrees to Taser stun demonstration
(“I wouldn’t ask for Tasers if they weren’t safe”)
(2-25-10)
I have to admit it. That George Gascon? He’s got a serious set of balls.
Yep, no coward is this guy. I say that because my sidekick Eileen Left caught up
with him last evening and asked him a few tough questions and this is how it went.
Eleen: “Chief, lots of people including the ACLU believe that tasers pose an
unnecessary risk to the public and that officers tend to use them too freely. What
are your comments on that?”
Gascon: (exasperated) “I’m really tired of having to repeat myelf on this but I’m
going to say once again, I wouldn’t ask for Tasers if they weren’t safe.”
Eileen: “Well then, would you be willing to be stunned with a taser yourself just to
prove that they aren’t that dangerous?”
Gascon: “Well of course I would. What you think I’m afraid? You think I’m
some kind of coward or something?”
Eileen: “I meant no disrespect chief but I have to ask the questions for my audience.
I’m amazed that you’d do this for the public. And, can the public watch?
Would you, for instance, agree to being tazed under the dome at City Hall and allow the
public to watch?”
Gascon: “You betcha Eileen, just give me the time and bring it on.”
Eileen: “As long as we’re on the subject, some law enforcement officials in Europe
don’t agree with you. They believe that tasers are too lethal and that the best way
to disable a suspect is with rubber bullets. How do you respond to that?”
Gascon: “You can shoot me with rubber bullets all day and all night and they won’t
stop me. Tasers are the way to go.”
Eileen: “What about police dogs?”
Gascon: “I eat police dogs for breakfast.”
Eileen: “Well chief, as luck would have it, we’ve brought along several taser guns, a
couple of rubber block guns and a 140 pound German Shepherd attack dog. We’re just
gonna stand back to give you some room.”
Gascon: “Wait, what are you doing? I’m wearing my good suit!”
Eileen: “We’ll be using all three methods in an attempt to subdue you chief, but don’t
worry, I’m certain you’re correct and you won’t be seriously injured.”
Gascon: “Don’t let that fucking dog loose you crazy bitch!”
Eileen: “Oh, too easy? OK, we’ll start with a couple of rubber bullets.”
BANGGGG!! BANGGGG!!!
Gascon: (writhing on the floor) “Eiiihhhhhhh.”
Eileen: “He’s still moving around. It looks to me like he could be reaching for a
gun. Better tase him.”
ZZZZIIINNNNNGGG!!!
Gascon: “AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Eileen: “Are those convulsions and that better be a roll of quarters in your pocket.
Better let the dog go.”
GRRRRRRRR … CRUNNNNCCHH …
Eileen: “Back down, Lassie. (moves closer and and peers at him) I think you can
cuff him now. Or, should you use your billy club a bit?”
Well OK, none of this ever happened. But, it should. Before we give yet another
lethal weapon to a force that includes juiced up steroid junkies who love to beat the
shit out of defenseless people.
Seriously. We have some real monsters out there wearing badges and if the
experience with other police forces who use tasers is accurate, it’s not unusual for a
suspect to be stunned multiple times.
If they’re safe, Gascon should prove it by allowing himself to be stunned by one.
How about it, George. You ready to stand up like a man and take one for the force?
Go Giants!
h.
