Bulldog 2007 Article 139

(9-14-07)

Well, the Mayor stole another of my shit sandwiches and now he’s having to chew it slowly in front of the press and in chat rooms. Serves him right for looting my lunch box.

I’m talking about the ‘I will fire your boss’ proclamation I included in my Ballot Statement when I entered the race for Mayor back in June. Here’s that bugger in its entirety:

Ballot statement 2007

My occupation is Publisher, SF Bulldog

My expertise is in political analysis, public safety and program development for the behaviorally disturbed. I hold a Master’s degree in Special Education from Clemson University. I have other degrees and certifications in Fire Technology, Cryptology and Emergency Medical Care.

I am a Viet Nam era veteran of the U.S. Navy. I spent the vast majority of my 47 years of work in public service. I’ve been a firefighter, teacher, coach and I built and operated a large jazz club in my youth.

For the past decade I’ve covered the political beat at San Francisco City Hall for a variety of publications. My medium is political satire and I’ve written over a thousand columns ranging from profane to mundane.

My promise is to fire your boss. That would be 61 department heads and hundreds of commissioners, agency and authority directors and their PR staffs. I will replace them with veteran City employees from within those departments, agencies and authorities.

I am a 63 year old straight white man. My grandchildren are African-American. My own ethnic roots are German-Jew and Scots-Irish Protestant. I believe in God, judgment and the SF 49’ers.

Thank you,

h. brown

It seems I got the number of department heads wrong. I thought there were 63 and that a mayor couldn’t fire the heads of Elections and Ethics. The Mayor thinks there are 53 department heads. Where’d I get the number 63? Are there 63 counties in the state? I know it’s an important number or it wouldn’t be wedged into my confused brain. … I know! I’m 63 years old this year. That has to be it. Anyway, it was my idea and frankly, I’m getting a bit tired of local politicians and journalists cadging my shit and printing it as their own without attribution. Newsom’s not alone. Just in the last week, 3 of my ideas were floated from readers of my column as the product of other minds.

Chris Daly

Daly announced at Tuesday’s Board that just out of the blue, he’d had this brilliant thought that perhaps the Blue Angels could still do their air show if they’d just fly in from the ocean to stage center over the Bay in front of the Marina. That was my idea and he stole it and knows it. Perhaps that’s why he didn’t return my last call on the subject.

I want to extend the idea. When this subject goes back to committee, Daly should insist that the City’s Office of Emergency Services and Homeland Security go on record supporting the Angels’ yearly high speed wingtip-to-wingtip weave between the City’s skyscrapers. Cause, I worked in an ECM (‘Electronic Countermeasures’) unit when I was in the Navy and we were able to totally confuse radio communications and navigation apparatus on similar fighter-bombers by simply dropping aluminum chad from higher flying aircraft. It would be just like a low-tech terrorist to use a little compressed air and ten bucks worth of chad to blanket the jets’ path between our tallest buildings (when I posted this observation on Sfgate, they let it stay for around 60 seconds then deleted it).

My point is that we should have learned from 9/11 that terrorists can use our own aircraft against us. In the case of the Blue Angels, it would be no more difficult than dumping a bucket of chad from one of the windows of the Hastings Law College dorm down the block from me. Daly should force Homeland Security to weigh in on the issue. Instead he brings in disabled veterans and people with nervous dogs. These people’s lives aren’t threatened by the flights. It is only an inconvenience to them. The fact is, the flight path this aerial acrobatic team (and, by the way, I love em) is allowed to take, presents an enormous opportunity for terrorists. While they couldn’t touch em flying in from the ocean and over the Bay, they can sure fuck with em at 250 feet (I have friends who watch the things from highrises every year and they say that they are not only looking down on the pilots, but that they can see their smiling faces).

Tim Redmond

“I wouldn’t build a single market rate
unit until the rich are living in the streets.�

I wrote that months ago talking about what I would do as Mayor. This Wednesday, Redmond came up (yeah, sure) with a wonderful idea of how a new Mayor should address the absence of construction of low-rent housing:

“So, here’s the deal: you people sit here
and figure out a way to make it happen,
including how to pay for it – and until you do,
not one new market-rate project will get approved
by my Planning Commission.�

Yeah, that Tim, he’s a real idea machine. These assholes have been stealing my ideas for years. Foot Patrols. Opening the bathrooms in the parks, for God’s sake!

Note to these guys. If you like the coat or hat I’m wearing and you steal it while I’m in the crapper, then you wear it to a party? It won’t fit you cause you aren’t me and you’re gonna look ridiculous like you are no. I’m not bitter (well, maybe a little) but I just want to say that if you want to hear original new ideas, don’t read the Chronicle or the Bay Guardian (they have a piece in the works now tying Burning Man and Public Power to the Iraq war, I hear) … come and hear it from the horse’s mouth.

Today 5-6:30 pm
Across from City Hall
In Joe Alioto Plaza
The 5th Debate
SF Mayoral Candidates Collaborative

I’m not the only candidate with great new ideas. Listen to Harold Hoogasian talk about a subway system that stretches from Ocean Beach to Marin. Hear Josh Wolf explain how the City should enable 11 District Halloween parties. Watch the Grasshopper Kaplan show. We’re worth the trip. It is of note, by the way, that not only the Chron and the Examiner and SF Weekly refuse to even list these debates as events, but also (and sadly), the Bay Guardian.

Salon 1-3pm as usual

Keep your powder dry.

Recall Sean Elsbernd!