Watching City Hall #477
Watching Krissy run for Kongress XXV
(10-4-06)
Court Jester Bulletin!
It is that season again where you have to renew your license to bitch about all things political. It is time to get aboard or shut up. There are 34 days left until the second mid-term election of this century (and, this millennium too – and, the bad guys won the first one) and I want to urge all of you to show that you care by doing the following things:
Make a contribution today
All Progressive campaigns are cash-strapped at this point in their battles. Take your pick, but help someone. Contribute at least $25 to one of the candidates you support. I’d love to see someone with bucks send checks for $911 each to Krissy and Chris and Todd and Bruce and John and Barry and Jane and Kim and … you get the idea.
Get your signs
Find your own way to your chosen candidate’s (oh yes, you can choose several or all – perfectly legal) … find your way to your candidate’s web site and get hip on where you can pick up signs for your windows (even if you only have one and it opens on an air well – remember, these things are collector’s items).
Volunteer for 6 hours
While you’re at headquarters, sign up for a total of at least 6 hours of volunteer work. This is a great way to get laid. Almost everyone who works on a Progressive political campaign for at least 6 hours gets at least one offer of sex.
Call 3 friends
Put your signs up in your windows when you get home, then call 3 friends who also are horny and tell them to write checks for $25 each and meet you at the bar where you’re going to tell them all about your first 2 hours working for this dreamy candidate and you actually met them and that something clicked for you and that you’re sure that he/she/undeclared … that they felt it too.
Plan your party
Remember that you have to be fast. 34 days is all that are left. But, you and your 3 friends can make a party happen. It doesn’t have to be a big one. It doesn’t have to be at night. It just has to involve supporting candidates and issues. The candidate doesn’t even have to be there. This is about you and paying your dues so’s you can keep bitching about every public official and policy with a clear conscience. I should mention that I am sure that if you have alcohol that I will come to your party by the way. And, probably even bring a few more people. Is it OK to smoke?
Take it to the streets
This is for those who have been seriously bitten by the political bug by the last 2 weeks of the campaign. Get yourself a well attached, double-sided sign (waterproof it if you can, or carry a clear plastic bag and rubber bands to put over it, cause it absolutely will rain) … simple double-sided sign on a stick to start.
Carry some kind of literature. Minimally, small business card sized handouts like the ones Krissy’s using. You need to get interested people to your candidate’s web site.
Carry your sign enough to satisfy the level of your discontent. Personally, I carry a sign pretty much everywhere. I don’t care if people think I’m a kook. Global warming and the war in Iraq are what’s kooky. I don’t solicit comments or anything like that. My sign (I have 3 and they range from a big ole triple ad thing – Daly/Keefer/Free Josh, with a cane as a handle – to a couple I designed) … I find that if I just carry the sign lazily over a shoulder that people stop me and either say they know Krissy or as me what the sign is about. Then, I offer then a few of the cards and a comment and move on.
Be active on Election day and night
Take your sign with your plastic bag, rubber bands and some literature with you and head to your neighborhood polling place to put in however much time you feel you need to put in to make a difference. The people voting in your precinct are your neighbors. Change your image in their eyes. Let them know that you aren’t just the drunken lout who plays music loud on Sunday morning and steals their newspaper. Show them that you’re in fact, a civic minded drunken lout who …
Go to your candidate’s ‘Victory’ party. Remember, nobody needs a party more than a loser and if your candidate is a true Progressive, chances are they’re going to toast by 8 to 9pm.
After the party’s over
Get to a clinic, for god’s sake! Pee in a bottle, get a blood test, get a pap smear. Get dusted down with DDT while you wade through trays of Lysol water.
And, finally
Gather your artifacts. You have some decorating to do. Pull that sign out of the window and put it in the frame you have ready and put it in the spot you chose for it as soon as you first saw it at campaign headquarters. Make a scrapbook/collage of campaign literature, champagne corks, parking tickets and the like. Relax, have a drink and smoke em if you got em. Then call a friend and …
Blame everyone else for the loss
This one can last for the rest of your life. We all do it, but I don’t really recommend it to anyone other than career politicians and wide-receivers.
the Pope loves Mark Foley
