Watching City Hall #393 (9-3-05)
An open paragraph to Robert Haaland
Yo, Robert,
So, if Gerardo Sandoval is anti transgender, why did you vote for him twice in 2004? Once, at the Milk Club and once before DCCC? And, have you forgotten your tenants' credentials? If not, how can you support Phil Ting when he not only did an OMI (Owner Move-In) eviction, but made a half million bucks off it a couple of years later? What's up with that Robert? Also, you make no mention in your endorsement of Ting that as Executive Director of the Asian Pacific Law Caucus, he invested their money in anti-union Wal-Mart. What's up with that, Robert? So, you're now anti-union and anti-tenant? You are a strange bird, ideed. I should share something with you. I was drinking with some friends a couple of weeks ago and went into one of my diatribes. One of them said: "You know, h., you sound just like Robert Haaland." I laughed and agreed with them but held out a significant difference: "Robert is charming and loving on the outside and ugly on the inside. I'm ugly on the outside and loving on the inside. I like me better."
Sincerely,
Your ole buddy, h.
Where's Newsom?
God damn, Gavin. Even George Bush cut his vacation short to address the catastrophe in New Orleans. Dick Daly Jr. in Chicago put together a task force of 700 City workers with equipment and offered them to FEMA for service in the Big Easy (FEMA accepted 1 truck).
At yesterday's Salon, Angela Alioto raged: "Why are we doing nothing!?! My son (Police Commissioner, Joe Veronese Alioto) wants to send 40 cops and 20 firemen!" Down the table, Krissy Keefer, who'd been on the phone to the Mayor's office and the Office of Emergency Services for two days agreed. Keefer and Sue Vaughan and Susan King set out plans for forcing the City to respond. Two thousand miles away, Gavin Newsom lay on a beach sipping a rum drink.
Let me say this about that. First, don't send 40 SFPD officers to New Orleans unless you cherry pick them and toss out the skull-cracking, quick triggered, racist sons-a-bitches who dominate the force. If you want to add to the problems of the poor black people of New Orleans, send our guys. But, wait! Our guys couldn't work there because the streets are flooded. Our guys don't do foot patrols. No cars ... no cops.
Second, Newsom showed that he didn't give a shit about the safety of the people of San Francisco when he first appointed a fire department chauffeur to be the chief, then put a political hack in charge of the SF Disaster Control Center. The chauffeur refused to live in the Chief's residence that the people of SF built at mid-town so's the Chief could be in the middle of things in case of an earthquake or other catastrophic event. Nope, our chief lives pretty much, in Daly City. She's not only totally unqualified for the job, she's not even ready to respond to an emergency. Want to keep fire house's open, Chief Hayes? How about starting with keeping the friggin' Chief's house open? A fire chief died to have that house built. How dare you live in the suburbs! I mean, people, I swear to God that the Chief suggested they turn the SFPD House of the Fire Chief into a Bed & Breakfast.
Finally, O'Donoghue hates me!
I got a really nasty email from Joe O'Donoghue yesterday. He talked about sexual diseases and stuff like that a bunch. That kind of shit seems to preoccupy Joe a suspicious lot. Whatever, I returned the email (it will turn up somewhere) and made comment upon his propensity to threaten women (even pregnant ones). I told him that I opposed this practice upon principle. I made reference to one particular encounter during the height of the dot com boom when he and two of his thugs cornered a barely 5' tall Mission business owner in a dark hallway. Joe told her that they were going to "get her" if she didn't stop protesting their projects. Now, that's a real man.
I've heard that he likes to call and curse people at 3am. So, I told him to call me anytime and gave him Jack Davis's phone number. ... That's just the kind of guy I am. I told him that I think that he should be horse-whipped in front of City Hall along with his goon running mates, then thrown into the stocks before being carted off to prison. ... That's just the kind of guy I am.
Then, I offered him a job writing for the Bulldog. Told him he'd have to get a bit more 'earthy' with his prose, but that given his sociopathological, incurable, criminally insane brain, that I'm certain that we could bring him down to our standards. He's strangely silent. Perhaps he's writing me a poem? But, I have a solution.
O'Donoghue vs. Brown
Not just Joe. I want to fight 5 men in front of City Hall (all proceeds to charity) on New Year's eve. I want to fight Joe first. Bare knuckles for us. Then, I want to take on the 3 cops who assaulted and arrested me on the stairs of the hall on election eve last year. They had guns and clubs and it's illegal to resist, so they were able to hurt me. I want a shot back at them across the street from where it happened. Unless Jack Santos is chickenshit. Him, his partner & the prick who drove the van. The 5th? I'm tossing in Greg Corrales on behalf of the 77 people who filed charges against him and the hundreds he beat with impunity.
Now, that may sound like a tall order and, given my 61 years, it is. Thing is, soon as we agree upon the fight, I intend to do the one drug I've never even considered. Yep, 100 days on steroids. Hmmmm, wonder if it really does affect erectile quality. Huh, Jack? Yeah, that's a great story. Maybe Barry Bonds will lend me his trainer. Marcus Welby will be my cut man. In the event I am forced to retire at any time in any of the contests, my stand-in will continue til the end of the venue. My stand-in is George Foreman.
Bulldog gets our first bill
Now this here, ... this here is a real pickle of a situation. Let me see if I can kind of stream-of-consciousness so's I don't get a brain cramp. ... Luke Thomas of the Sentinel takes the best photos in town. I used to work for the Sentinel. Pat Murphy fired me a couple of times for being too crude. Recently, Matt Gonzalez talked Murphy into hiring me back for a weekly column which appears fridays. Just before this happened, Jim Meko (SOMA's insitutional memory and a great columnist) quit the Sentinel over somethingorother I don't really understand. I instantly offered Jim a spot on the Bulldog's 'varied' staff. ... Anyway, Jim's been sniping at Pat and Pat at Jim for the past couple of months.
A week of so ago, Jim did a column for the Bulldog in which he featured 2 copyrighted photos taken by Luke Thomas. The Sentinel then sent the Bulldog a bill for $100 to cover fees for use of the photos. ... Now, all good publishers stand by their reporters even if they sometimes go over the line and, you know, like lift someone's pics. ...
So, anyway, I'm looking at this bill and here comes Pat & Luke down the hall at da Hall. Hey, I like em both (turns out that, like Alex Clemens, Pat may be a relative from that fecund Missouri/Illinois valley that produced the Clemens and Gambles and Youngers & James clans - our grandfathers are both Gambles from the same country) ... so, here I am trying to figure out a way to pay this bill and keep my ace columnist out of prison and here come Pat & Luke.
Of course, I invited them to our weekly friday Salon where I knew Meko would show up. Nothing really happened. New Orleans overwhelmed the table (as it should have) and it was only upon leaving that I broached the topic of the bill with Patrick. We both chuckled about it and he suggested that I have a fundraiser. That's a scream because that's what got Chris Daly into attacking Murphy was a fundraiser Murphy had to keep the Sentinel going. I suggested that perhaps the Sentinel could cover my event (with Luke, of course, doing the photos) ... I later decided to make it into a roast of my own undeserving self. It will be New Year's eve a few hours after George Foreman gets finished beating the shit out of Joe O'Donoghue and Greg Corrales. I'd think that Murphy should toast me first and relate the pleasure of being able to fire me several times. Perhaps, he might close by firing me again.
Warren Hellman should speak. That would only be fair. Newsom, if he's back from vacation. O'Donoghue, if he's regained consciousness. There are 6 ex-wives but we want to keep it short (like my marriages). Ahhhh, once O'Donoghue attacks you, you're on the map.
For real
My friends are my strength. All of my best writing consists of quotes from my friends. They house me, nurture me, feed and booze & smoke me out. They entertain me. They are the most talented people in the world.
I'm trying to put together Neska (used to be Linda Laflamme) who is the best American composer with Jonathan Richman (whom I barely know) and Krissy Keefer (top alternative dance Empressario in town). Krissy has this piece for stage she calls: 'Dry Ice'. She did it as a one-woman show a couple of months ago and predicted the New Orleans disaster in the text. Now, she wants to expand the piece into a larger production and I suggested seeing if ... if, I could put the 3 of them together. That's what I do best, many say. Pimp my friends, that is.
enuff:
