Watching City Hall #386 (8-1-05)

"I couldn't give my body away!"

(Mary Kanne of Mendocino)

"I'd have to dig deep to find a bitch to pitch."

(Greg Kanne of Mendocino)

Interesting couple to put it mildly. One of those happenstance things that always bode well. You know? Rachel & I were shaking off our hike up from her swimming hole on the Eel river when we ran into Mary and Greg coming across the bridge. We were balancing glasses of a local merlot against the climb. The Kanne's were swirling flutes of champagne. Our eyes locked and we laughed. Two couples who appreciate the good life and recognize it when it's surrounding them. This is the kind of place where I've always gone when I want to get away. The rays of sun exploded in sizzling sparkler tirades as they crashed into the surface of the river below. Naked locals floated downstream, nipples, belly-buttons & pubic hair bobbing visibly above the rushing surface of the converging rivers. Better than Eden. Naughty beats nice every time.

They recognized Rachel, but then, everyone does. Even 200 miles from San Francisco. Within 10 minutes we were sitting on their huge deck with the Eel lapping at the edge of their property just beneath us. The conversation started fast and turned to a blur. Mary's in her early 70's. I'm in my early 60's. Rachel & Greg are early 50's. ... Of course, we talked about death and disability. While a dinner formed around us and somehow, Vivaldi took the form embued by a Chicago jazz group (Mary, a musicologist, had found in short order that I'd owned a jazz club years before and when I'd said 'Vivaldi' to what I'd like to hear, had gone to her thousand strong library and combined the two). Uplifting music and conversation. It was a long way from my Tenderloin SRO which I described to them as my 'pied a' tere'.

We talked about what it took to live in this paradise full time and Mary noted that she'd tried retirement but failed at it, so opened her own small framing business. Greg noted he'd worked for the postal service for 20 years or so and was coming up on retirement. Rachel drew them out on the history of the area as Mary did the logistics for the dinner, schlepping dishes and silverware as Greg bar-b-que'd shrimp shiskabob. 27 years they've been doing this. The conversation is important for Rachel because she's a part of the community for over a decade and owns a small piece of property. She's always wondered what it would take to live here full-time. ... They talk about development and how they are going to lose their postmaster ("It was only a drawer in her kitchen cabinet!") ... but they don't want to lose the name of the town or the zip code and gravel and lumber development were a concern and ...

Same problems as in SF down south a bit. We soon realized that we all had valid pot club cards and that although we (Rachel & I) ... although we had no pot, we would not go home straight. ... After a shuffle (during which Rachel made a pipe of a tampon tube which I quite enjoyed), Mary brought out some dynamite giant green buds and Greg soon had a single-malt scotch (must have gone a couple of hundred or more a bottle - smooooth - out of circulation) ... he brings out this amazing whiskey & here I am sipping the best scotch I've ever tasted, smoking the world's best pot next to a 600 year-old oak tree (oldest in country? - maybe - another story for another time) ... it was a normal evening with Rachel.

"I wonder what the poor people are doing?" ... That came from Mary, across the table. I laughed, as did Rachel who'd read the line when I'd written it as a favorite of mine and (Angela says) Joe Alioto's. ... Enuff silly fun. ... Of course, good times are really never silly. One must store them away as well- preserved memories for the future when you might need em. Back to the column lead.

"What should we do with his body?"

(always a good question)

During dinner, the subject of death and dismemberment came up. As it so often will. I was relating my thoughts that it might be nice to follow up on my buddy Jens' idea of donating your body to medical school, by sending along a nice little description of the various ailments one has endured, notations upon the relevance of various tattoos, ... that sort of thing. That way, the student could search for the damage done by 40 years or more of ... you get the idea. Maybe add a few interesting tattoos of their own. Our hostess quashed that dream.

"Too many people are trying to avoid burial expenses by donating their bodies and the medical schools are overwhelmed." As she said in the beginning, she couldn't even give her body away. Another dream to go unfulfilled. I wondered vaguely if you could donate your body to a tattoo parlor.

Odds & ends and odd ends

O'Donoghue & Walker reunited!

Progressives made a quantum leap when Board President, Aaron Peskin swore Debra Walker in for a return visit to the Department of Building Inspections' Commission. This one has me wringing my hands in anticipation.

Joe writes her poetry

(while claiming to hate her)

No one can slur the pronunciation of an opponent's name sarcastically as well as Joe O'Donoghue can. Sometimes, in the matters of Debra Walker and Sue Hestor, one may be allowed to sometimes think that perhaps old Joe doth protest'ith a bit too much. Do these powerful women excite the RBA chief? You can't really deny that. Watch him when they're even in the room. Waves of emotion sweep over the tense jaw & rigid body as he fights to control himself. Sometimes, he cannot and breaks out into the kind of slanderous rhymes small boys use in school yards to gain the attention of small girls.

I love that shit. O'Donoghue is a fine poet by my watch and I used to teach the stuff. Walker is a fabulous artist at the top of her game physically and once asked me if I thought Joe would fight a woman. ... Hmmmm, now over here I see the can of gasoline that is O'Donoghue. And, over here, I see the flame that is Debra Walker. Hmmmm, it should take that good a shit disturber to get something going here. Naw, forget that. Insiders tell me that Joe used to be a cop in Ireland and that trading blows with him wouldn't be a good idea for woman or man, young or old. I should pass that on to Debra. ... Still, such a good idea. Maybe we could get them to mud wrestle in their undies in Alioto Plaza. Ahhh, a dirty mind is such a comfort in your old age. You see conflict. I see foreplay.

Anyway, Walker is back at DBI overseeing the department that oversees Joe's builders. Joe responds by complaining during Public Comment that the Mayor should have gotten a chance to 'vet' her appointment. Walker smiles and wishes acting department chief, Amy Lee congratulations upon the event of the birth of a healthy young daughter. It is one of those priceless moments. It could have only gotten better if Lee had named the little girl 'Jo' in gratitude for Joe's assuring Amy's eventual ascension into the director's post permanently.

One aside I picked up from watching the meeting drunk and stoned (otherwise you miss the nuances) ... one thing I picked up was that it sounds like O'Donoghue thinks that certain individuals within the DBI are on some kind of a cover-your-ass work slowdown. He never came right out and said that he ordered it but you sure come away with that impression. Plus, mysteriously, since Lee beat out Joe's first choice for DBI head (Jim Hutchison - a class act amongst thugs) ... the computers keep getting viruses over there these here days, Joe says. "Down for a week and a half!?!" exclaimed Commission President, Ephraim ("Here's my card, I run the commission that oversees the department that will inspect your work.") Hirsch. ... So, O'Donoghue does his Bill Gates impression explaining to Hirsch about how the best way to keep al Qaeda from hacking your system was to rub a little pork on your hard drive (tks, Ant. Faber). ... OK, it wasn't that bad but it was bad. It looks like Joe's people in DBI are going to do everything possible to make DBI look like the new Planning Department.

Walker for Art Czar

Newsom has talked a bunch and not done shit for the local art community. Like many of the non-profit directors the Mayor's people brought in to work on his 'Ten Year Plan' to end chronic homelessness, the artists are finding that the Mayor's goal is, in fact, to divert their energy into creating studies that will never be implemented. That, and priming them like pit bulls to fight one another for the diminishing art dollar. Latest fear is that the Mayor plans to turn the Hotel Tax set-asides currently divied out by long time bursar, Kary Schulman ... plans to turn the money over to Ed Harrington for dumping into the General Fund where it can compete with people dying of Aids. This, interestingly enough, instantly makes Harrington mentor, Warren Hellman the new judge of good taste. Yeah, the guy with the cowboy belt and string tie.

Newsom should appoint a 'cabinet level' SF Art Czar and it should be Debra Walker. Other than her good pal, Krissy Keefer, Walker is easily the most respected artist in San Francisco. She's a loyal Democrat (hell, she endorsed Heather Hiles!) ... ... Rachel says that the Mayor needs an artist who knows the entire scene to report directly to him on the impact (and opportunity) upon and for the Art Community of all significant legislation. The City is about ART, Gavin. Give us Walker and you get two things. First, you let the community know you're serious about Art and second, (this is best) you get to piss O'Donoghue off to no end. Fuck, Joe might get an entire book of poems out of that one.

Friday's Salon

Angela was in Italy. Michelle Monaghan was in Paris. Krissy Keefer was touring her visiting mom around northern california and Susan King was off camping with her new guy, Tyler. Cat didn't make it and I forgot to invite Debra. Janet Tandy & Anne Kaplan were left to add a feminine perspective to an hour's conversation with myself, Marc Salomon, Anthony Faber, Frank Webster, Joe Lynn, Rich Hillis and David Owen. This is one smart-ass gathering folks and I'd invite you all but there ain't room. Start one yourself. Really. Chris Caen said he was gonna do one. Spend at least an hour a week talking to the people who inspire and inform you the most. You can spend the rest of your week trying to get laid and amass great wealth.

First, we bad-mouthed Peskin for not showing up. I phoned to curse and threaten him but, fortunately, no one pays much attention to me in that way. Someone picked up the thread on the topic of global warming that Keefer opened last week (see her performance piece, 'Dry Ice' - it's about the coming calamity & scored well with Krissy's daughter, Fredrika who moaned: "Mom, I'm only 13 and the world is going to end before I get my drivers license!") ... and Angela fed the discussion through her emails describing temperatures of over 100 degrees in Italy in July. Keefer says that the battle against global warming should be fought in San Francisco.

A bunch of time went into discussing what's been written the previous week and there was pretty much universal agreement that Matt Smith's piece, 'Kees to the City' was his best work in a couple of years. Grab a Weekly out of the box while you still can. The theme is the complex relationship within the mixed nest of mating snakes called creativity and insanity and myth. Best thing anyone's written around these parts for a bit.

We critqued Art Bruzzone's 'SF Unscripted' (Channel 11, Weds thru Sat. evenings @ various times) ... Bruzzone's eye for art and ear for sound make his promos, and show graphics better than those of Letterman & Leno, believe it or not. The flowing, cool blue collage of City scapes capture the gem like quality of San Francisco with an unmatched clarity. We laughed about how guest, Vivienne Sosnowski (Editor/History Rewriter for Examiner) described her goal as to provide "a fair and balanced" view of the news. Salomon noted that a few days after she said that, she followed her Chron billionaire buddies in editing Dick Hongisto and Walter Shorenstein out of the history of the 'I' Hotel. ... Bruzzone is worth watching, people. In his own way, he has an open mind.

Hellman reels in Park & Rec

Fuckin' Warren Hellman (you suppose that's what the 'f' stands for?) ... fuckin' guy should pay me for publicizing him. Sometimes it seems I'm the only one in the City who realizes how powerful he is and how many different pots he has his fingers inserted into. The garage in the park. Music in the park. He chose 3 top officials - they watch the money - at SFUSD and pays their salaries! He's building a Home Depot sized dance warehouse in the Mission that will be a category killer for every independent dance venue in the area. Guess how many politically radical dance programs this billionaire Republican is going to fund? Now, Newsom announces that Hellman & his SFSOS cronies will be providing all money handling for the now, permanent new Park & Rec Director whose primary duties will continue to be standing and walking around while looking Nigerian. Interestingly, one of the money changers coming into Park & Rec is a transfer from the SFSOS number c runchers originally sent to SFUSD but with whom Ackerman refused to work.

Downtown hates Sandoval & Ramos

(What else do you need to know?)

Did you know that Assessor candidate, Gerardo Sandoval and Treasurer candidate, Julio Ramos were roommates in law school? I'd run their campaigns built around that. You know, half the signs say: 'Ramos & Sandoval' and the other half saying: 'Sandoval & Ramos'. Rachel says Duane Baughman is saying he's going to use the money he gets from Sandoval (Baughman & a friendly Republican judge are presently extorting 10's of thousands from the newly re-elected District 11 supe) ... says Baughman's going to run a campaign with the theme: 'Bury the Burrito Brothers' and challenge them to sue him again. That Duane; if it weren't for scumbags like him, I'd be all alone down here at the bottom of the evolutionary trench, feeding on garbage.

Whatever, a really funny thing happened as I went to pick up and cash my welfare check today (it was for $24.18). Warren Hellman never earned a dime in his life. He inherited a fortune of several billion from a family fortune built upon the Wells Fargo Bank. They cash welfare checks for free. Imagine that? I think they're also lending Gerardo Sandoval the money that the SFSOS operatives fleeced from him so he can pay them off!! ... C'mon now, you're digging the irony here, huh? Hellman and Donald Fisher fund Baughman who uses the money to publish lying, illegal posters claiming that Sandoval is a nazi and race-traitor. Sandoval sues & halts Baughman's string of lies. Their lies and bullshit don't work. Even in District 11. He beats their combined asses and sues them for slander. He forgot to watch 'Pelican Brief' before suing them, unfortunately (always look down the line at what judges your case will encounter as the years go by) ... Of co urse, it came back to haunt him. The next judge in line (a Republican) says that not only is it OK for SFSOS to slander Sandoval, but that ... you gotta love this ... that Sandoval has to pay for the bullets they used on him/campaign literature, etc., plus ... now get this ... plus, Sandoval has to pay Baughman in advance for Baughman's next smear campaign against Sandoval.

On top of that. On top of that, here I am at the bank finally figuring out why Wells Fargo cashes welfare checks (they get free fingerprints & photo files for all indigents - wonder who gets that info). ... Here I am getting my roll of quarters for laundry and there's Gerardo Sandoval with a loan officer filling out papers. Can you believe it, campers?

Gerardo will pay for cash with interest to Hellman's bank which Hellman & Shorenstein & Fisher & Blum will use to strap on their Baughman dildo and have yet another go at a quality Latino politician. The rule is simple for this unholy '4 horsemen' ... they can do anything they want and you can't stop them. If you do you're an anti-semite. The mother fuckers should be tossed into the desert by good Jews, excommunicated by Catholics (in case they try to join), and shunned by other decent people the world over. Forget their pretensions. They are no better than the Willie Browns & Charlie Walkers & Al Normans & ...

Golf course for rich: 21 million dollars

Panhandle toilet for moms & babies: 0

If you ever needed any proof about what Gavin Newsom is really about, look at the contrast between what he has done for the people who use the Panhandle childrens playground, jogging/walking/cycling trails, basketball courts, exercise areas, and dog runs ... ... there are literally thousands of them ... look at how Newsom has treated them over the last 8 years and how he has treated the super rich at the City's new golf club.

The public bathroom in the Panhandle has been closed for around 8 years. The cops had it closed because it was too much trouble keeping the junkies out of there. That's the reality. The public fantasy/front put out, first by the Willie Brown administration & for the last 2 years by the Newsom like-thinkers, ... public excuse is that they need a new bathroom (bullshit, the building is sturdy, needs a new roof and cleaned lines, little paint and a cop with courage) ... Willie agreed with the POA that keeping a public bathroom used by thousands safe is too dangerous.

Bottom line this. After years of lobbying (Rec & Park rubbed it in our faces by spending a couple of hundred thousand in studies and plans for a 'temporary' structure that would cost another million or more) ... Newsom finally listened to his staff and put a porta potty out there. Thanks Mr. Mayor!!! Now, it's got a padlock on it for the last week or so.

In the meantime, Gavin promised the golfers ("Whatever you need, you'll have!") the keys to the City treasury to make certain their 'World Class' new links would be ready for their pictures with Tiger (You ain't got balls or a black heart if you attend this tournament, Tiger!) ... Spent over 20 million when experts told them that they could get the course back up to snuff (it needed work because Willie pulled every dollar it made out and let it get run down on purpose so's he could give it to Arnold Palmer - think I'm lying? - google those names with our 'municipal' links) ... So, McGoldrick stopped the outright privatization of the course favored by Sandy Tatum & Tony Hall but, the end result is the same. Cheap greens fees are gone forever. Only poor kids chosen for their docility by the club's nobility will get into the freebie program. More venture philanthropy.

I take my granddaughter to that little playground in the Panhandle every week. I find it a personal affront that Mayor Newsom refuses to provide rest room facilities for this playground. I'd like to see the bastard come to work tomorrow and find every toilet in City Hall padlocked. Like the ones in the Panhandle.

Go in peace. (in the bushes, Gavin)