Watching City Hall #365 (4-21-05)
“Where does it hurt the worst?”
(from ‘Cops’)
Everywhere. … Then, again, nowhere. Life is on fast forward these days so I’ll jump right into the key issues.
Assessor
Making the Assessor an appointed office is a very bad idea. Imagine this as a fund-raising tool for someone running for mayor: “I think it’s terrible how much they charge you in taxes on your skyscraper corporate office buildings Mr. Shorenstein. If I can just raise enough money to be elected mayor, I’ll have my Assessor look into it.”
You think that shit won’t happen, then you’re dumber than you look and that’s not possible. D5 supe and Lafco head, Ross Mirkarimi floated the idea of an appointed Assessor this week and reaction from left and right was fast and predictable.
The Mayor and the big realtors love the idea. Mirkarimi’s own Green party is considering a brain scan for Ross. “I can see, as can we all, that the present system is not working. I feel that improving the performance in key offices is consistent with Green Party values.”
Mirkarimi means well. He also was quick to note: “I’m not wedded to this idea. I just want to explore our options.” Wellll, get ready for an annulment on this one Ross. The only possible good that can come from this thing is that it may pressure Mayor Newsom into making a quality appointment without ties to Downtown realtors. If that’s the thought, way to go Ross! Here are Gavin’s options.
Rich Hillis of MOED
A trusted numbers cruncher for the last 3 mayors, Hillis considered running for the post of Assessor himself under the campaign slogan: ‘A boring man for a boring job’. That’s what the office needs. This guy is a young version of Averill Harriman whom you young snippets won’t remember. A suave guy trusted by capitalists and unions, commies and George Patton. Nothing under the table, behind the back or hidden in fine print. He’s the one who actually ran the Gay Marriage logistics. He’s one of those rare people who makes everyone smile when he walks into a room. “Here’s Rich, he’ll tell us who’s right.” You know, stuff like that. Presently, a deputy of Jesse Blout’s, Hillis may be the smartest person on the Left or Right or In-Between. “University of Chicago School of Economics has produced Nobel Prize winners. I met Rich there and he pissed everyone off because you never saw him study and he always got straight A’s.” said best friend, Courtney Haslett. Drawbacks? He’s a young white man.
What will really happen
Gavin will listen to his PC conscious staff and appoint Chinese-American, Ron Chung who helped Doris Ward keep books. Or, Bill Lee, whose main qualifications are that he can walk into a crowded room and immediately be identified as being a Chinese-American. Oh, did I mention that Newsom will appoint a Chinese-American with long standing ties to Downtown real estate interests? If I’m right, you owe me a drink. But, if I’m wrong, I’ll let you buy me one.
Bottom line
Look for Teng to withdraw her resignation for a few weeks so’s Gavin’s appointment won’t have to run for election this November. Only Hillis could win then. Otherwise, look for Chung or Bill Lee to be overwhelmed at the polls in November by greenie, Dave Wilbur, who’s smarter than both of them put together, standing on each other’s shoulders and standing side-by-side at the same time.
Is Mirkarimi a genius or just lucky? Lucky, I’d say. I phoned my buddy, Matt Gonzalez to ask if any of this was his idea. He laughed heartily. “Hey, I think we should elect the Police Chief! And, Ross hasn’t returned my call on the issue, so you’re ahead of me on that one.”
Ahead of Gonzalez!?! Hey, I love Ross paddling his own canoe. Crazy ideas from nowhere? Ignoring advice? ‘Red sky in the morning, sailor take warning’ … I love chaos. Thanks folks.
In other news
Fat cops on motorbikes are everywhere. What’s up with that you might say? “It depends on how you define ‘foot’ patrol.” That’s what 3 cops on bikes told me when I approached them in UN Plaza yesterday. People, let me be as clear about this as possible.
Every cop you see on a bicycle or a motorbike in San Francisco right now is a lazy asshole using a loophole to avoid walking on foot and meeting you. That, very very sadly, is a fact.
The police do not obey the chief of police. Now, that is a dangerous situation. When the police chief (Heather Fong) announced that there were something like 600 police officers walking beats and riding buses for parts of each shift, she was dead wrong.
In fact, cops who actually put shoe leather to concrete are insulted by the old boy POA slobs who are too fucking chickenshit to walk a beat alone in a tough neighborhood (or, any other). I approached a cop in the same UN Plaza area last week who was sitting in the passenger seat of his cruiser with the door open and one foot out on the ground. I asked him if this was his ‘foot patrol’. “It is to me.” Honest to God, that’s what he said.
Pardon the non-PC rhetoric, but Heather Fong has to grow a set of balls or resign. Every precinct captain who has allowed their officers to refuse foot patrols should be demoted and assigned to foot patrols. Every cop who cannot produce 2 bus transfers each shift to prove they actually rode a bus, should lose that day’s pay.
This isn’t all the cops. This is Greg Suhr, the Chief of Patrol and his buddies thwarting departmental policy in order to to create a safer & lower stress work environment for Gary Delagnes’ flunkies. Problem is, when everything gets too safe and comfortable for the local beat cop, it gets more dangerous for the local citizens. Face it, these union cops do not want to meet you. They live in Novato and think you’re a City full of hippie commies. Check the giant flags on the fire trucks. They’re the same.
Note: Wrote Bond Yee of DPT about missing ‘STOP HERE ON RED’ sign at 6th & Market today. Mark my words. Someone will die before they replace the sign, then he’ll say he never got the email.
Pot Clubs
I went to 3 pot clubs yesterday to check prices and opinions. Also, Newsom’s people released a lame initial report on the matter that had absolutely zero vision. Here’s the Bulldog view.
Distribution
A license to sell pot should be an addendum to any number of other licenses. Like, for instance, a liquor license. Just as anyone who has gone through the process of attaining a liquor license can testify (are you listening, Gavin?) … it is a properly serious business. You have to get a majority of your neighbors to agree that it’s OK to sell your product there. They can determine whether you can only sell beer and wine or perhaps, have a full bar. They should also be able to sell adult customers pot. So should drug stores and liquor stores. A little sticker for addition to licenses and posted in windows will alert customers to the availability of pot.
Either to go, or if they have a smoking area (most serious ones do) for consumption on-premise. This can make many, many millions of dollars for the City. We will have an ‘American Amsterdam’ situation. If you don’t think an extra million people a year will come here just because of this new ambience, you don’t know people.
Customers
I wear my pot club card in my bus pass holder on a string around my neck. It’s Hippie bling bling. It’s also stupid. My driver’s license already shows that I’m old enough to buy whiskey, dynamite and guns. Why the fuck shouldn’t I be able to buy a joint without approaching some 15 year old junkie in the park or waiting in a long line at the Department of Health?
There will always be stick-up-the-ass prudes who don’t want anyone else to have fun either. Ignore them. The best way to make controversy to go away is to make the activity commonplace. The clubs are like Pony Express stations and should last for about the same length of time. They’re the new Speakeasies and are attracting a similar gangster element that simply put, has to go.
Don’t get fancy on this thing. Simple is always best. A little sticker on existing licenses. A sticker you can only get by getting a majority of your neighbors to agree. We don’t have to reinvent the wheel here.
Rachel is on the East Coast
Any of you know Fidel Castro personally? Let me know. Happy birthday to Ania and Aimee and Monica and Jerry ‘the Faerie’ who will all be boogying Saturday night. Jens says I should change my orientation to lesbian because they get all the hot women. He also says that the best way to insure my retirement is to go to the border and give my social security card to a hard-working young illegal immigrant who can then pay into my retirement fund. … It’s too bad that most of the best ideas come to us when we’re drunk.
Careful of 6th & Market
