Watching City Hall #339, (1-02-05)“You’re fucking right, this interview is over!”
(Pete Rose to Playboy reporter long ago)
I like sports. Lots. It’s my escape from things that actually matter. You think getting drunk and stoned and watching the Board is fun, you should try the combination while watching Cal play Texas Something-or-other in the Whatever Bowl.
Anyway, I have just as many opinions about local sports as I do about local politics and I’m just as accurate in my evaluations of coaches and team owners as I am about supervisors and mayors. Read and see what you think.
49er REALITY
I read Ira Miller’s piece on the imaginary interview he did with Denise DeBartolo in the morning’s Chronicle (Malik Looper once tossed me out of a mayoral candidates’ debate for asking questions of the absent Gavin Newsom) … Miller ran his piece but, I think, missed the most important facets of the entire team and team ownership quagmire. They are as follows:
The DeBartolo family has always treated the Niners as a toy which is just how pro teams should be treated. The team’s problem is that some kids know how to take care of their toys and some don’t.
Old man DeBartolo bought the team for what? I think it was around 35 or 40 million. Chickenfeed for serious east coast Italian, gambling & other (ahem) business people.
Anyway, pops gives the team to his kid, Eddie and Eddie uses snow machines to fire money at the franchise. You all know the stories. Limos and loose money. The best hotels and team facilities. Shit, he made Donald Trump look like a piker.
Waste, huh? Welllll, let’s look at that. … When Eddie was forced out as owner, the team was easily worth over a half billion dollars. … Say, huh?
People, you really could BUY championships back then and that’s all that mattered to Eddie. (to all 49er – and ALL football and every other sports fan too) … So, Eddie gets this reputation of being a wild party guy who was buddies with all these world champion athletes (you listening, Ellison?) … Eddie gets this rep without spending a dime on personal PR. Hell, they thought all that publicity was bad at the time.
And, you know what happens to the value of the team? It goes up, like … 1,000 percent!
Oh yeah, turns out that Eddie never wasted a dime. Limos, outrageous tips. None of it was wasted. … Everyone realized that except Eddie’s jealous brother-in-law (hope he’s a better doctor than he is a team owner).
Since John York has run the 49ers, they’ve lost at least a third of their market value. And, it’s getting worse. They are down at least 150 million dollars and their reputation has gone to shit.
Giving the Niners to a tightwad dipshit like John York was like letting your idiot 16 year old take your new Ferrari to a drag strip and run it in the mud. You know, kid comes running in the door and says: “Hey mom, I finished in 8th place and won $100 and only spent $5 on gas!” Asshole thinks he made money. … Trouble is, he did $100,000 in damage to the Ferrari.
Time for the Yorks to sell the Ferrari to someone who knows how to take care of one. Now is the best opportunity they will ever have. Why?
Imagine the ad: ‘Five time world champion with 1st round draft pick located in best city on Earth … Make offer’. It’s that 1st round pick that adds the zinger. Only real football nut with billions will bid and … the opportunity to pick the best college player from the thousands available? The entire sports world will hang on the new owner’s decisions. Ya can’t buy that kind of publicity.
If you don’t sell, things will only get worse. Denise, face it. Hubby is costing you a bundle. We’re talking about losses that could run several hundred million. When he comes home and tells you he made 15 million last year, ask him about the 150 million he actually lost. Not to mention the damage to your family name.
The Cal Game
The worst coached game I’ve ever seen in my life. Tillford had his team come out in a prevent pass defense against the best throwing team in the country. Talk about stupid.
Did anyone other than me notice that the Cal corners gave the Texas receivers 10 yard cushions and didn’t chuck a single receiver until there were, like, 3 minutes left in the game?
Offense was no better. With his 3 top receivers out with injuries and the best running back in the country healthy as a young bull in a spring pasture, what’s he do?
He throws!! Over and over and over. I wanted to puke or punch out a wall. When the reporter stopped him on his way to the locker room at halftime, you would expect him to say something like: “Yeah, I’ve been a dunce. We’re gonna get back to basics and keep it on the ground until they show us they can stop Arrington.” … He didn’t say that. Nope, what he said was: “We gotta get some more of these young guys (read, ‘receivers’) more involved.”
He kept trying to throw too. Texas WhateverU never did stop JJ. If they’d have given him 35 or 40 carries, he’d have gotten 300 yards or more. Throw in a few stiff chucks and you got a victory.
Barry’s drug problem
Hey, unlike all the reporters who cover the Giants, I know a little bit about drugs. … OK, I know a LOT about drugs. And, let me tell you this about that.
I led this column with the quote from Pete (‘you wanna bet?’) Rose because Pete got over 4,000 hits while raging on methamphetamines. As a matter of fact, he got 4,000 hits BECAUSE he was raging on meth. In the Playboy interview, the reporter asked him if he did speed and Rose replied something to the effect that, yeah he did the stuff cause his doctor gave it to him and that everyone did it and that his doctor wouldn’t give him anything bad would he and that everyone did it and … then, he went off on the reporter and the interview was over.
Now, the players’ union is saying that they’ll tighten up on the use of steroids but that they don’t want to outlaw speed because it’s not ‘performance enhancing’ (ever make love on speed?) … Shit, the Pirates won a world series in the 60’s or 70’s (I forgets) with most of the team blazing on the crap.
Or, give Barry ecstasy! Yeah, that would solve a couple of problems. First, of course, the ‘X’ has speed in it and second, it would make Barry the most loveable teddy bear in the league. Imagine Barry bombing one out and jumping on home plate, pointing to the heavens, then turning to hug his teammates and the batboy and the catcher and the ump … “I LOVE you guys!!”
Boys and girls, almost all of the top athletes are on drugs. Most are on combinations of lots of drugs. Think about it. Why, I remember the day when an athlete retired and got fat. Now, they all lose 20 or 30 pounds. … What’s up with that?
The Warriors
The Warriors? I didn’t know they still even had a basketball team.
Kidding? … Maybe not …
