Watching City Hall #287, (5-19-04) “Fair and foul are near akin … and fair needs foul, I cried!” (Yeats – ‘Crazy Jane talks to the bishop) Yep, and love and hate are pretty close too. … I realized the truth of the Yeats observation yet again yesterday when the reaction began to roll in for my last comments concerning the race for supervisor in District #5. I was cursed, my family was insulted, I was threatened … the local media was exhorted and extorted to condemn me. … … I was so proud! I’d been feeling unloved and unrecognized (as any honest egomaniac will tell you, the second is the worst) … been feeling unacknowledged … and here, just for accurately describing some dweeb running for the Board; here came a flood passionate abuse. … Ahhhh, reaffirmation … I suck, … therefore, I exist! But really, folks Let me take this opportunity to sincerely apologize to Craig Thompson, worthy candidate for 5th district supe for poking fun at him in a column I did after the first forum of district 5 candidates. After today, I promise to never, ever write another word about him. And, I wish to congratulate him for the enthusiasm of his friends. They moved to defend you like tigers, Craig. You should be proud. … And, I want to thank all of you for your constructive criticism. … In fact, I’ve decided to change my entire tact and only seek attention in the future by doing good deeds, and … ya know, it’s paying off already. … Honest, just by treating people nicely, I picked up a handful of big time endorsements this week in my own run for District 5 Supervisor. I intend to list the names of the organizations that have thrown their weight behind me in all of my future literature. Let me list a few of my new groups of friends. They’re pretty impressive. ‘h. brown endorsed by Harley Milk Club!’ “He’s always been one of us.” Yeah, really. It surprised me too. It was accidental. These biker guys who live downstairs came up looking for some milk to mix with a bottle of Kahlua. I gave them the milk & they gave me their endorsement. Total cost of ‘Milk Club’ endorsement: $2.39. ‘h. brown endorsed by League of Women Voyeurs!’ “He’s always been one of us.” I have, too. … Been a big-time voyeur of women, I mean. Anyone who knows me will tell you that. I picked up the League’s official endorsement just yesterday though. Like my famous ‘Milk Club’ endorsement, the whole thing was completely happenstance. … There I was, weaving through the park, looking for someplace to relieve myself, taking an occasional slug from the half pint of cheap bourbon in the brown paper bag & someone called out to me: “Hey, how about sharing that shit!!” There were 3 or 4 decrepit, over-the-hill hippies sitting on a bench surrounded by 8 light standards, watching sleek ladies jog by and smoking a joint. … We shared. … We watched. … We bonded. … They gave me their endorsement. Total cost of my ‘League’ endorsement: $2.39 in whiskey. But, my good luck hadn’t ended. Everywhere I went, people knew about me, simply because of my shameless attacks upon that good man, Craig Thomas. Other degenerates flocked to me like flies to a pile of dog shit. … My next endorsement will probably be remembered in the history books as the one that put me over the top. ‘h. brown endorsed by Tenants reUnion!’ “He’s always been one of us.” The bikers had finished their Black Russians and came around banging on all of the other tenants’ doors to raise money for a kegger for the garage. … We do that a lot. … I gave the guys everything I had in cash & rolled a couple of joints for the crowd as all the tenants retired to the garage, reunited again to raise glasses of brew to various pagan deities. When I cranked up the boom box to the max & started to dance to Procol Harum’s ‘Whiter shade of pale’ everyone cheered. I took it as an endorsement. … Total cost of my ‘Tenants’ endorsement: $2.39. Next came … ‘h. brown endorsed by San Francisco 48’ers’ This is a group of friends of mine who are either 48 years old, or have been 48 years old at some time … or, hope to live to be 48 years old. Again, I picked up this endorsement by tossing everything I had into a late night collection for beer. … Total cost of my ‘48’er’ endorsement: $2.39. Then came the individual endorsements … ‘h. brown endorsed by long list of looped luminaries’ “He’s always been one of us.” (Gavin Usedsome) “He’s always been one of us.” (Billie Brown) “He’s always been one of us.” (Fat Gonzalez) “I hate the bastard!” (Walter Shorenstein) Well, you can’t please everyone. Quit your bitchin’: