“He was black before his time.”
“The pool table was so crooked that if you made
the right shot, all the balls went in the same pocket.”
(Overheard Tom Schultzisms)
An old friend (George Roth) told me that to claim a day as successful, you have to be able to answer 3 questions in the affirmative:
1. Did I accomplish anything positive?
2. Did I avoid hurting someone? (you get a chance every day)
3. Did I have any fun?
It’s amazing how many people forget about #3. …
(As I was fumbling around on this column about the big party for the opening of the newly explanded Gonzalez campaign headquarters, word came in from the streets …)
FLASH!!!
GONZALEZ PASSES NEWSOM IN CBS POLL!
Well, duhhhh! … you’ve been hearing it here for 2 years now. Matt Gonzalez is the next mayor. … See, I can write without exclamation points! … I was fighting a heavy hangover with an Irish coffee when the word of the latest poll came in. How did Herb Caen used to put it? … “My GAWWD!” (or, something like that) … I went to my own muse to get an accurate reading on the import of the latest numbers. She was standing next to Walter Wong’s koe pond behind CitiCenter smoking a cigarette and watching the fish in the early morning rain. She’d snagged a CHP slicker rain coat somewhere. It gleamed and glowed as the light played with the rivulets of rain & illuminated the silvery reflective tape bands across the back and around the arms. It was way too large for Eileen, who is not a small lady. It made her look like a little girl & was somewhat disarming to me. I’m used to her being sexy and gruff and knowledgeable and abrupt. (I mentioned sexy, right?) … She looked very vulnerable and sad and I spoke hestitantly:
h.: “Eileen … (I patted her shoulder lightly - she appeared about to cry as she watched the colorful koe bob and glide among the raindrops that splashed circles across the pool and … and, you know … blah, blah) … Girl, what’s wrong, didn’t you hear about Matt overtaking Newsom in the polls?”
Eileen: “That’s it (she said shaking her head and wiping a sniffle). … I’m feeling sorry for all of those rich people out there. … (She tossed up her hands in a feeble gesture) It can’t be easy being rich, I mean, with everyone trying to get something from you and then, you find you can’t even buy the mayor’s office anymore.” (she dabbed her eyes)
h.: “Eileen, I’m really shocked. … Hell, you hate downtown more than anyone I know. Why in the hell are you feeling sorry for the pricks now?”
Eileen: (shakes her head, and lights a cigarette) “I don’t know. ‘Stockholm syndrome’ I guess. All that time hanging out with them. Going to their parties. Accepting outrageous gifts from impotent billionaires. … I’m gonna miss that. … The job’s far from over though.”
h.: (now she was sounding like the old Eileen) … “What should Matt do?”
Eileen: “He should not play a ‘prevent defense’. You’ve got the bastard on the ropes and he’s scared of you. He cut the last debate from 90 minutes to an hour. He cut the exchange of questions from 5 each to 3 each. … And, it was on the friggin’ radio! … He should negotiate serious debates on television with a foremat that allows for a spirited exchange. Gavin evades. … and evades … and evades. A free exchange will expose the boy and he knows it. … And, make em on television! All the bullshit about Gavin being the best looking is just that … bullshit. Hell, Matt’s a champion debater. He’s pounded Newsom like a drum at the Board of Supervisors for 3 years. Now let him do it for 3 weeks in front of some serious audiences. If he refuses to show, sit a dummy of him on the stage with a sign around its neck saying: ‘Once again, Supervisor Newsom recuses himself.’.”
h.: What else?
Eileen: “Send flowers to Alioto and Ammiano. … I mean that literally. And … and, just be himself. I said it all along. The better people know Matt, the more they love him. The better people get to know Newsom, the more they see the empty suit. … Yeah, Matt’s just gotta be Matt and not listen to anyone who wants to change anything about him. What did you predict the final would be when you talked to him the other day?”
h.: “63% for Gonzalez to 37% for Newsom.”
Eileen: “You gonna stand by those numbers?”
h.: “Yeah. … I figure if Matt can gain 16 points from the voting machines to the parking lot (On election day, in a 9 candidate field, the tally was 42% for Newsom, 19% for Gonzalez, 16% for Alioto and 11% for Ammiano - when voters were asked to choose only between Matt & Gavin in the parking lot exit poll, it was a dead heat - Matt had picked up 19% & Gavin lost 6% making it 36% to 35% for Gavin) … I figure, since Matt picked up 16% points in the exit poll (essentially, an IRV exercise) … then, he picks up another 14% within the next 10 days, with the benefit of just one radio debate and in the face of all of the machine endorsements going to Gavin … I figure he can pick up another 14% in the next 25 days.”
Eileen: “You’re fucking nuts! Pray for 50% plus one and have buckets of sand ready for the blood and bandages ready for the wounds. And, … keep an eye on ES&S.”
h.: “Not a bad day though, huh doll?”
Eileen: (sighs as she gazes at the fish) “I still feel bad about those poor rich people.”
h.: “Oh, I don’t think they’re going away anytime soon.”
Matt4mayor:
