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Watching City Hall #217, SEPTEMBER 6, 2003

“Because they’re hiring
cowards now!”
(SFPD Sergeant explains ‘mess on Market’)

The kickoff for Matt Gonzalez’s run for mayor was Tuesday night and I had myself one whale of a time. … Of course, I usually do. … I drank heavily. … Of course, I usually do. … I danced like a crazy man until they closed the bar and threw me out. … Of course, I usually do. … I was stoned out of my mind on the very best pot. … Of course, I usually am. Oddly, the evening didn’t start that well.

Scared the shit out of me

Folks, no one realizes how much this City needs Matt Gonzalez to be mayor more than I do. … Seriously, I’ve been the number one student of the circus under the Williedome for the last 3 years and Matt’s the man. I’ve watched him and Tony Hall and Chris Daly and Aaron Peskin use the puny 1% of the fiduciary power the Charter gives them and, pretty much turn lead into gold. … I’ve watched Willie Brown use his 99% of the power to pour money into the projects of Gavin Newsom’s downtown backers while the City’s streets ran with the urine and puss of the scum they refuse to remove. … Yeah! … Oh yeah! … They’re doing it on purpose … this allowing the hoods from Richmond to control all of the Bart stations from the Bay to Glen Park. … They are! … Veteran cops like the one above whom I questioned admit it. … The worse the downtown streets are, the more votes Gavin Newsom will get in November. … Well, let me tell you this about that.

This about that

Matt’s kick-off was at the gallery/bar at 111 Minna. … I was late because I stopped to get wrecked with my buddy Jens and Eileen Left … of course, … I usually do.

Now Jens, he smokes about a bale of weed a day, but he’s a lightweight when it comes to booze. I mean, 4 ‘24’ers’ of King Cobra puts that ole boy right on under. Eileen kept kicking me and pointing at the door as Jens nodded off. She won’t miss a Matt event. … Not that he’s her type. … She mostly prefers guys who know their way around chains and whips … but, that’s another story. … I was telling you about what happened when we finally reached the kickoff.

Empty streets … empty bar

Eileen backed the jet black Suzuki into a space between a pair of dweeb SUV’s in the alley across from 111 Minna and we approached the place with more than a little trepidation. … There was no one there! … I mean, like shit, man. … We approached the front door and peered in. … There was, like two guys at the bar and the rest of the place was quiet as a tomb. … Damn! … How the hell could I spin this shit? … I’d fought and yelled and lambasted and begged to get Matt to enter the race because I was absolutely certain he’d draw a huge slice of the electorate into the fray. … I had absolutely no doubt he’d draw in the artists and musicians and dancers and poor and coloured and here I am peering through the window at an empty room at 9:10pm when his speech was supposed to start at 9. … Damn!!

“Over here, dip shit.”

Eileen had wandered to the corner of the building and was beckoning to me. … She’d fired up one of those mini stogies and was brushing out her hair. … And, smiling. …

The alley was full of people! … There was a velvet rope kind of set-up at the side of the bar and people were pushing to try and get in. … I wandered, mesmerized following Eileen toward the entry.

Of course, she knew the people at the door and they smiled and waved her right in. I followed closely and they let me pass through with her. … The scene inside made my heart skip a beat.

Hundreds of people jammed the hall. Hundreds of people waving signs and cheering our boy on. … We could barely make out Matt’s face, so far away over the undulating crowd. I shook my head in wonder. … Eileen was quickly surrounded by a pack of young guys trying to buy her a drink.

As the hours passed and the crowd thinned, Matt’s brother, Chuck took to the stage and played for us until he was exhausted. I sat on the floor against the opposite wall with Matt and Enrique Pierce and Katherine Hansen and drank it all in. I kept up a steady stream to the next mayor about how he should run his campaign and what he should wear and what was the true meaning of life. He just smiled and patted me on the back and said as he has so many, many times: “It’s all good, h. … it’s all good.”

The walk home was bad

Eileen danced up to me as I swayed drunkenly to the dj music that followed Chuck’s mini recital. … She stuffed a 20 dollar bill in my shirt pocket for a cab and pinched my cheek: “There’s some prick here from Newsom’s camp spying and taping everything. I’m gonna stick his tape recorder up his ass and you’ll only get in the way.” … Eileen is very direct for a girl.

I decided to walk home and from 2nd street to Geary and Leavenworth I encountered some of the most frightening characters I’ve seen in my life (and, I used to hang out in East St. Louis) … On every block of Market and particularly around the Bart Stations, were these little trios of black thugs looking for prey. … These guys weren’t homeless. … Selling drugs? … Undoubtedly some were. But, they were lots scarier than your normal “Wanna buy some good green bud?” pushers. … They were literally everywhere and I didn’t see a single cop in my mile walk home through our City’s prime tourist territory. It took me awhile to figure out what was happening.

The P.O.A. and Gavin Newsom

The worse it is on the streets of San Francisco between now and November 4th, the more votes Gavin Newsom will get. … The cops are letting the criminals run the streets. They are doing this so that people will run to Gavin Newsom for help. … This is a cold, hard fact. … The cops from the Tenderloin and Central precincts are hiding in their cars somewhere or never even leaving their stations. When I walked by the Tenderloin station, there were 17 police cars parked around it. Across the street, there was a sale on heroin. It’s a brand new police station and they were too chickenshit to even put windows in the God damned thing. … You think this isn’t true? You think I’m lying? … Get your ass down there after midnight some night and see for yourself. … And, … they are doing this for Gavin Newsom!! … Every tourist who’s robbed. … Every citizen who’s mugged should sue the friggn’ City for every dollar we have. The cops should be fired for dereliction of duty. For Christ’s sake, one of their acting Captains was cruising the streets pulling women into his SUV. … They’re fucking predators themselves!! What have we got here … Mexico City? … San Salvador?

The damage that Willie Brown has done to not only the SFPD, but to the entire City may well be irreparable. Last week he skipped over a hundred top seargeants and named 7 machine cronies as new lieutenants. … There are 2,300 of the highest paid cops in the world here and their brass refuses to clean up the streets. … It is that simple, boys and girls. They could do the job and they flat out refuse to do it. It has nothing to do with Terence Hallinan. The D.A. can’t do shit without the support of the mayor and the police force and they’ve done nothing but try and get rid of Terence for the past 4 years. The sons a bitches lay on their asses and blame the trouble on the D.A.. They figure if they make it bad enough, maybe the P.O.A.’s personal attorney (Buzz Fazio) or Willie’s girlfriend (Kamala Harris) will be elected District Attorney. … Are you gonna fall for that shit?

The rest of the 27,000 City employees (5,000 appointed by Willie) … the rest of the City’s workers are stuck with over 600 of da Mayor’s 100 grand a year ‘Special Assistants’ who have woven themselves into permanent status in the civil service. It will take the scalpel of Matt Gonzalez or the meat cleaver of Angela Alioto to clean up this mess.

There was some good news

There was some good news too. … I ran into former Supervisor, John Bardis in front of the state building at 455 Golden Gate during a candidate forum the other day and he said he’s backing Matt Gonzalez for mayor. … Bardis knows more about what it takes to be a supe than anyone on the Board. Year after year he comes before the Board’s Finance and Budget Committees and points out the error of their ways. … Like most gadflys, he’s not particularly appreciated. Only Gonzalez acknowledges him as “Former Supervisor Bardis.” The man is brilliant and Matt should be proud to have him on his side.

There’s a bigger bear ready to join Matt too. I went to Gonzo’s monthly art opening last night to chase beautiful women and ended up jawing with Tony Hall and Joe O’Donoghue. Boy, do they draw stares. It’s kind of like standing alone talking to the Wright brothers at a model airplane convention. … These guys have wham and whack. Joe said that while his builders have a long standing close relationship with the Alioto family that he’ll back Matt against Newsom if that’s the December match-up. Now, THAT … that … that, is good news. Downtown has never cared about small builders and only O’Donoghue’s powerful wit, pen and oratory have kept his boys hammering and sawing these past couple of decades. … That, and the sledgehammer effect of a clinched Irish fist, full of green Irish cash.

When I fall in love

I talk a lot, but I don’t have much luck with women. … My friends keep threatening to buy me a hooker, but I keep telling them I can get my own woman. … For 3 years I’ve been telling them that. … Clearly, it’s a lie. … But, I keep trying. … Oh, there are any number of women who will hang out with me as arm candy just to be around Matt and his scene. … I mean, like, … that’s ok and cool and all that, but I’ve hugged the foam and feathers out of too many pillows and I keep scouting for da real thing.

I’ve chased Betsey Culp for 3 years and gotten one hug out of the deal. … But, she’s become one of my best friends, so I really can’t complain. Lately, I’ve shared a few bar booths with a long legged beauty named JoAnn Remstad but, she doesn’t like me in ‘that’ way, if you know what I mean. … Last night at Matt’s party I met this amazing artist named ‘Trisha’ to whom I immediately proposed. She met my gaze, smiled and answered softly: “No.” … It came so easily for her. … “Will you go out with me?”
I continued, like a lemming waddling toward the cliff: “No.” came the reply. Hmmmm. … She retreated from the balcony where a small group of tobacco junkies had gathered to feed their carcinomas, then paused, turned and came back: “But, I do like you.” … You know, that’s almost enough, as you get older. … Eileen Left was sitting on the rail smoking one of her petite cigars: “She left an opening for you geezer. Don’t give up so easily.” … I watched Trisha make her way out through the crowd and sighed. … “I think if you keep following them after they say ‘no’, you can be arrested for stalking.” … Eileen took a large glass of wine offered by Marc Solomon and nodded: “Yeah, you could probably do an art show just of your restraining orders.” … Ahhhh, still ‘looking for love in all the wrong places’.

You busy tonight?: