Watching City Hall #216, SEPTEMBER 4, 2003 “Young and strong … and running against the … wind” (Bob Seger) Some lady named Leslie Evans from the Richmond District wrote to the SF Weekly to say I was: “the guy who’s currently doing press (oh, unofficially to be sure) for Matt Gonzalez.” … She also called me a sexist which is entirely true, so I won’t argue with that one. … (I mean, that’s someone who likes sex, right?) … Let me address the matter of my relationship to Matt Gonzalez. He’s my friend. … Hello, Leslie … do you have any friends? … Good, I’m sure you do and I’m sure they’re nice friends. … I’ll bet they’re not as good a friend as my buddy Matt though. … Like, you know how some of your friends have these annoying traits that, like, embarrass you in public and stuff but that? … But, you keep them as friends because basically, they’re real good people. … You know? … Well, I’m that kind of a friend to Matt. If you think I’m an asshole in print, you should meet me in the flesh. I’m surprised you even admit to reading my column. I mean, many people are ashamed to admit they read my columns. … But, that’s cool, cause I’m ashamed to admit that I write em sometimes. … Geez, I must have the record for misspellings and retractions, not mention my too frequent obscene outbursts. … But, on the other hand. I’m one of the most idealistic people I’ve ever known. … Money means nothing to me. … I’ve risked my life more times than I can count to protect others. … I was a loyal sailor who rose to the highest rank possible in my 3 years in the Navy. I was a firefighter for 5 years. I’ve done a hundred mouth-to-mouth resuscitations and had dozens of people and animals die in my arms. I’ve rescued a hundred stray animals. I taught severely emotionally disturbed adolescents for 5 years. I made 4 new Americans by marrying 3 brilliant women (one had a little boy) … I spent the better part of a decade at the height of the Cold War writing and submitting the studies on nuclear weapons and warfare of a brilliant savant because it was the most important thing I could be doing. I’ve physically captured 2 burglars, broken up a thousand fights and have a half dozen unfinished novels in the basement. I’ve been married and divorced 6 times, designed, built and operated the largest night club in St. Louis in the 70’s. … My family tree has branches including everyone from Mark Twain to the ‘real’ Mafia. … And, last … I’m the finest writer hacking at a keyboard in San Francisco right now. It was that last bit that caught Matt’s attention. He thought I wrote like Celine! … Shit, I didn’t even have any idea who Celine was but I read him and … Matt was right. … You can’t imagine how much of a boost that can be when you’ve been writing for 50 years and suddenly someone with taste and power recognizes your work and spreads the word. … Hell, that’s how I met you. “God will not grade you by the quality of your friends … She will grade you according to the power of your enemies.” (George Roth) It says a lot about Matt Gonzalez that he doesn’t dump friends like me when he makes his move to the next plateau. … Most politicians would. … Hey, I’m not the only one. … I’ve met people Matt represented over his decade in the Public Defender’s office and who he also mentored both in and out of prison. … The guy is truly a boy scout. … His brother Chuck said to me the other night at Matt’s Campaign Kick-off: “I was just entering the Boy Scouts and I was sitting in the audience and they were introducing the top Eagle Scout and saying he was so special that someday he would be President … and, he was 14 years old … and he was my brother, Matt.” You superstitious, Leslie? … Matt kind of reminds me of that character from ‘Dune’ who is like, the ‘chosen one’ or some such shit. … He’s got an aura about him. … He’s steady but with a controlled passion. … I mean, I was watching all of the other mayoral candidates with him last night up at a District 5 Forum at U.C. Medical (all but Newsom, whose spokesman literally was quoted by J.K. Dineen in this morning’s Examiner as saying that instead of attending, they’d decided to go to a fundraiser. … He did the same thing the previous afternoon when he stiffed his supporters at the Rotary by only showing up for the last 10 minutes of their candidate forum because he was panhandling for $150 a pop over at a power bar across town) … More on missing an event at U.C. Medical. Newsom avoids smart people Out back of the building where the Newsom-less forum was held last evening used to be a little parking lot. … I don’t know if it’s still there or not. … It was there in the 80’s when I managed an apartment complex above the U.C. complex. … A little parking lot with only 5 parking spots. … I’d sweep the grounds on the other side of the little incline that divided the two properties (it was mostly overgrown and real, ‘rural’ like) … I’d gaze at the 1 or 2 cars in the slots and smell the huge Eucalyptus trees that crowded the mountain and read the sign: ‘Nobel Laureates Parking’ … How in the hell do you decline the opportunity to mingle with a neighborhood of people who are that brilliant!? … To go for a God damned fundraiser full of implanted, lipo-suctioned, Botox injected, skin-stretched losers? Hey, if you’re Gavin, … it was an easy choice. It’s all about money with him. The forum itself was the best yet and I have a great story to relate to you about it … Believe it or not, I hung out with my buddy Jens and got stoned on pot before I headed out with Eileen Left for the event. … Someone had actually given Eileen a Ferrari (complete with papers signed over to her) after meeting her at Bob Pritikin’s party on Labor Day. … She has that kind of affect upon lesser men. … Well, Jens got Eileen stoned and she ended up dancing around topless in his room at the ‘Edg … Wort … Ho el’ wearing a Chinese dragon dancer paper machete headdress with a flowing silk train. … She couldn’t even remember how to start the friggin’ car! … I quickly raked my mind for anyone else I knew might be going and came up with my friend Doug McAbee who was thinking of throwing a house party for Matt on Russian Hill anyway. … Doug was there in minutes. Jens girlfriend, Leona showed up and booted Eileen out the door and I drug Miss Left over to Ania’s couch a block away (more than you needed to know, right?) so, anyway, the Ferrari got towed and Eileen went to Harbin Hot Springs to soak off the booze for a few days and I got to the forum 40 minutes late just as Tom Ammiano was coming in the front door. Do you know the definition of ‘happenstance’? … I don’t, and I’m not going to look it up for your lazy ass either, but it means something like what happened to Doug and I with Ammiano. Here I am coming 40 minutes late to a 90 minute forum and there, in front of me is the number two contender and he’s late too! … Tom was met at the door by a staffer (I like Brad Bensen better, Tom … the new guy looks like a DEA agent) … Doug & I just decided to follow them to wherever the event was being staged. I figured it would be a big flat room with a hundred chairs and a lectern they drug from room to room. … Boy, was I wrong. Tom’s aide took us to the basement and on a winding trip through the very catacombs of U.C. Medical. … It kind of spooked me and Ammiano commented at one point: “Where’s the morgue?” … It was there somewhere, … to be sure. … We ended up at a huge door with an even bigger cop standing in front of it. The cop immediately recognized Tom and assumed we were with him (plus, I had my press pass) … he stepped away and we walked through the door … and right onto a stage … Right onto a stage set at the bottom of an amphitheater, chuck full of about 600 neighborhood people who flowed right on out the door and into the corridors far above. … If Doug and I had tried to come into the theater from the proper floor level, we’d have never made it. … Yet, blessed are the fucked-up, for God has mercy for them. … I can personally testify to that one. … Act like you belong. … Acting like you’re supposed to be there in facial and body language is very important when you’re caught en flagrante … whatever. … There was a pause as Tom went to take his seat and I calmly flashed my pass at another cop just inside the door and pointed to two seats, first row … stage right, about 5 feet from Matt Gonzalez who was anchoring that end of the ensemble. As Doug and I got settled, I glanced over to where Samson Wong of the Examiner/Independent was sitting across the theatre and he just shook his head and laughed. … I mean, it was a real status builder kind of thing. … I’m certain anyone in the place (certainly all of the candidates) … anyone who knew who I was (the guy leading the – ‘Ammiano can’t win, so let’s get someone else’ – charge) … knowing who I was and that they must have wondered if Tom had been meeting with me for those 40 minutes working out some kind of a deal for Matt … Nawww, hate to disappoint you Leslie, but I was just late and stoned and drunk as usual, but with a friend to keep me upright and a great seat for what was left of the event. I winked at Angela Alioto. … She winked back. … I gave a little victory sign to Jim Reid who smiled broadly. … I gave a two thumbs up to Matt, waved at my old friend Michael Denny and nodded to former Police Chief Tony Ribera (who always gives me a ‘why aren’t you in prison?’ kind of quizzical look) … I settled into the seat and snuck peeks at the crowd as Angela and Matt and Michael and Jim absolutely wowed them. … I graded it this way: Crowd favorite: Matt Gonzalez … this is a smart crowd and Matt is by far the smartest guy in this race. … He is a visionary who talks about creating a renewable, pollution-free energy source (tidal power), safe from terrorists and belonging to the citizens of San Francisco only. He speaks of securing a portion of the City’s housing for the poor (which includes most artists and poets and musicians) through the formation of Land Trusts that preclude speculation. … He talks of what he has done while wielding only a part of the 1% of the municipal fiduciary and appointment powers accorded to the Board and asks what the crowd thinks of a truly independent mayor. … They like it. … They get it. … He talks about taking the infrastructure apart and rebuilding it instead of repainting the dinosaur. Best debater: Angela Alioto – hands down! … What a captivating woman. … She holds the crowd in the palm of her hand. They begin to murmur even before she speaks and they’re roaring and applauding her every crescendo. … Then, she went after Gonzalez and the crowd quieted. … I don’t think they expected it. … I didn’t. … It was no big deal and Matt easily deflected several skewed or baseless parries. … It was only when Ammiano did the same thing (similar results, Matt bested him) … it was only then that I realized that Matt was now the front-runner! … Maybe it was his Campaign Kick-off the night before (I’ll get to that later) … maybe they had some legitimate poll numbers (the only poll I trust is Ania Wierzbowska) … whatever, Alioto and Ammiano were acknowledging through their actions that Matt was ahead. Most guts: Michael Denny. … I’ve known this guy since the 80’s and he’s a real straight shooter. Built a couple of companies (he ferries wine around the world – wonder why I love him?) … Michael taught a Libertarian Party Civics lesson to one of the smartest audiences in the world last night and he turned them from a (playfully) jeering mob, into an appreciative enclave of talented graduate students. Michael hit a home run talking about local control of schools and how the local buildings should be given to the teachers, staff and neighborhood they serve, … the crowd quieted and listened. Cares the most: Jim Reid … Jim should be the head of the Redevelopment Agency or something equally august. … Jim Reid gets it! Jim Reid has lived in the shelters (as Newsom promised to do, but hasn’t left his Pacific Heights digs except to panhandle the Gettys et al) … Jim’s ‘Shelter One’ modular mini-home design is the only viable housing option to shelters that any candidate has offered in this entire campaign. This man deserves the thanks and respect of every San Franciscan. Most like a Republican ex-Police Chief: Tony Ribera … Nice guy. Wrong party. Most anonymous: Susan Leal … As ‘Joefire’ pointed out about the Rotary forum the other day, the moderator called our Treasurer, Susan ‘Leel’ for the entire event, when her name is pronounced … ‘LEE—AL’ … you know, like in Robert E. ‘Lee’ … and ‘Al’ Capone. … Put em together and reverse em and … you have both the proper pronunciation of her name and why she hasn’t a prayer. Most likely to go to Heaven: Tom Ammiano … Far and away, top contributor on the panel. District elections. … Breaking ‘Orientation’ barrier in public schools. … The list goes on. … But, the audience tends to nap. It’s kind of like listening to a beloved grandpa awake with a start and proclaim: “In MY day!” Biggest cowards: Arnold and Gavin Newsom. Both dodged season’s first debates at which every other major candidate appeared. Poor form from two robots. So, Leslie, I may be a sexist, but at least I’m well informed … and, I care. You know, I was looking at the panel last night and I realized there were two candidates who were the children of Mexican immigrants who didn’t even finish high school (Leal and Gonzalez), there were another 4 who never had a thing handed to them in their lives but pulled themselves up ‘by their bootstraps’ nevertheless (Ribera, Ammiano, Reid and Denny) and one who was born into wealth and power but has always used her clout for the downtrodden. … “I’m proud of them.” Said my friend, Doug McAbee. … “If Americans could have seen this tonight, they’d think better of San Francisco.” he concluded. … Amen. Keep your complaints to yourself: