Watching City Hall #209, AUGUST 21, 2003“While you were starting to burn your bras … I was just starting to wear one …
I think a legislative bottleneck is a lot like constipation, it’s important to get a smooth flow going.”
(Tom Ammiano in mayoral debate)
A week after offering to compare penis size while addressing the Green Party’s candidate screening committee, then calling out: “Fuck!” … then, “Fuck!!” to the same audience (which contained children), … a week after that, 9th District Supervisor, Tom Ammiano came to a forum at the main library’s Koret auditorium and continued his scatological ways. This man cannot be mayor of San Francisco.
While Ammiano (dressed as Pee Wee Herman, as best I could figure) … while Tom was grossing out an audience of a couple of hundred in the jammed hall, his minions across town were blocking the Green Party’s nomination of Matt Gonzalez for mayor. It was all too confusing for me to figure out, so I woke Eileen Left up (it was after 1pm, for God’s sake!) … and asked her for her take on the matter.
Eileen: “Hand me my cigarettes and get me a beer!”
h.: (waiting on the tall blonde goddess hand and foot) … “How the hell could the Greens turn on Matt?”
Eileen: “Why did fuckin’ Cain … off … friggin’ Abel!?” she said, throwing off her covers completely and standing totally nude to preen and start her morning stretch exercises while still smoking a cigarette and drinking the cold Red Hook. I sat mesmerized. When she bent from the waist to place her palms on the floor, the various parts of her body clearly spelled out the word ‘MOM’. When she lay on the floor and raised her legs and did various sit-ups, the word became ‘WOW’. I lost my train of thought.
Eileen: “I said, why did Cain slay Abel?”
h.: (Returning to earth) “Jealousy.”
Eileen: “Same thing here. It’s a non-partisan thing with Ammiano. He’s on his way to the glue factory while guys like Newsom and Gonzalez are palace bound. Tom’s not being ideological here.”
h.: “What do you mean?”
Eileen: “You heard him at the debate last night. He bragged to the women that he voted for a woman as head of the Board of Supervisors. Like it was a big thing. … Hell, 5 of the past 10 Board Presidents have been women and there have been two African-American women presidents in the last 10 years. … But, Latinos? … Zip … nadda … none for over a hundred years. … And, Ammiano represents a Latino district! … The man’s hypocrisy is overwhelming. He should have backed Gonzalez who is a political ally, but he went with the Mayor’s choice. It was a vote he should have been ashamed of and he was trying to push it off as some kind of heroic thing. What it was, was a dagger in the back of the entire progressive movement and everyone who votes progressive.”
h.: “Matt didn’t seem to care.”
Eileen: (now doing curls with 5lb bar bells) … “He’s too forgiving. If Ammiano had succeeded in electing Sophie Maxwell, the progressive movement would have been back to being a marginalized, powerless glob. But, Tom did not care and still doesn’t. He was looking for the Democratic Central Committee Council’s endorsement by voting for a Democrat. … Of course, they fucked him.”
h.: ‘Wow! You sound just like him.”
Eileen: “Yeah, I’m real bitter too. I cudda been a contender too if I had billionaire sugar daddies and no values.”
h.: “Ammiano?”
Eileen: “Newsom!, you dweeb. But Newsom and Gonzalez are interchangeable to Tom now. They’re both young, good looking and straight. Did you hear the crowd for Gonzo last night?”
h.: “Yeah, he won em over all right. Definitely had the loudest applause at the end.”
Eileen: “You hear what that asshole, Joefire said?”
h.: “Sure, he said Newsom’s people would have clapped louder but Gavin had such control of them that he didn’t want them to make too much noise.”
Eileen: (snorts and lights another cigarette and starts to lather her legs) “He works for Newsom, bitch! Haven’t you figured that out yet?”
h.: “Who cares though?”
Eileen: “Well, he’s spreading lies about your candidate. He lied about the turnout at Matt’s opening for his campaign office. You heard him lie about the support Gonzo had at the debate. He sent out a promo the other day that insinuated he (Joefire) had a thing with Alioto. And, he does all of it from behind a pen name. … He’s the worst kind of slime. … People who slander anonymously.”
h.: “I’m not much better.”
Eileen: “Sure you are sweetheart. You’re my friend and that makes you all better.” (She’s finished shaving her legs and is headed for the shower.) … “You sit down and write an honest evaluation of the debate while I soak, then I’ll let you dry me off.”
h.: … (pondering) … “Yeah, uh huh … OK … hmmmm, how should I write it?”
Eileen: “Well, we’re gonna have to listen to this person every day for 4 to 8 years. Describe their individual … ‘tones’ … you know.”
h.: “Yeah, OK.”
Candidate tones at debate
(worst to best)
Now, God should forbid something terrible would happen to our City, but terrible things always happen to cities. The question is, once the bomb hits or the poison gas wafts in with the fog … which of these 9 candidates do you want standing in front of a camera, reassuring you and giving orders?
in 9th place: Candidate Roger Schulke … Don’t quit your day job, Roger. He didn’t have any idea what he was talking about. Tone: Clueless
In 8th: Michael Denny … Love you Michael. You’re a great guy. However, one does not go in front of 200 women and tell them “I oppose ERA”. With a self-destructive streak like that, you might want to consider joining the Green Party. Tone: Friendly masochist
In 7th: Tony Ribera … He wasn’t even present, but I’ve seen him and he plays his cards close to his vest. Doesn’t panic. Stilll, he’s a Republican who admits he’s a Republican and that’s enough to ice you out of this one. Tone: Calculating tough guy
In 6th: Jim Reed … The best of the lower case candidates by far. Something of a ‘one trick pony’ pushing the brilliantly designed mini-modular home (10’X10’). A bit too strident and accusatory. Tone: True believer
In 5th: Gavin Newsom … Mr. Sound byte. When off camera, he smirks and sulks and looks somewhat like an ostrich. He acts as though being mayor is just another entitlement that goes along with his connections to Getty & Hellman & Fisher. He hates the Board with a passion that would guarantee constant gridlock were he to be elected. Still, he’s a bright boy. He could definitely drive the bus, but he’d take it places I don’t wanna go. Tone: Imperious rich boy
In 4th: Susan Leal … Keeps her head and smiles when others are acting nuts. Problem solver. Coalition builder. As mayor, I think she’d get along with the Board better than any other candidate, except Gonzalez. I’d move her above Ammiano, but she opposed district elections and I don’t know enough else about her. Tone: Mature conservative
In 3th: Tom Ammiano … This is the guy, floundering in the pool, who will drown you with him … on purpose! Vulgar. Vindictive. Has one goal in life now … taking Gonzalez down with him. Matt’s too nice a guy to believe it, but that’s all Tom lives for now and, like the Queen troll that he is, he’s surrounded by a swarm of angry demons who will do his bidding as they did when enough of them joined the Greens to block Matt’s endorsement. Tone: A scorned older woman
In 2nd: Angela Alioto … Girl, do you have to yell? Angela could lead the police and fire departments, the national guard and marines to rescue the City but she’s gotta stop sounding like a carnival barker or she’ll never get there. Solid positions on every issue (to a lefty). … She’s loving and strong. Tone: Lady Liberty with an attitude
In 1st: Matt Gonzalez … Surprised? It wasn’t even close. Gonzo is a calm in the storm. He lowered the flame in this debate even as he does at the Board. He’s the real thing folks. An honest, selfless public servant. ‘Selfless’ politician? … When he ran for the Board, he spent less money than anyone in the race and had some left over. That bodes well for a mayor. He mentors artists and musicians and poets and writers. No grandstanding with Gonzalez. He speaks in a soothing, almost bashful delivery. He listens. He reframes. He conciliates. So far, Newsom has raised over 400 times as much money as Matt and it won’t be enough. The only way to stop this boy is to fix the voting machines and I’m sure those who know how are all over that one as we speak. Tone: Destiny’s child
The Setting
I arrived at the library a half hour or so early and scouted the grounds. Across the street in Joseph Alioto Square, there was a huge party going on for ‘Cisco’? … Whatever, huge tents and a thousand people in finery contrasted with the winos and crackheads who sat around the library sharing their poisons. I started counting campaign signs.
Newsom has these guys at events whom I guess are supposed to look like Secret Service agents or something. They have the crew cuts and suits and little ear pieces and sun glasses and they constantly whisper into their mics and look sternly at all about. It reminds me of when we were 16 and had a junk Cadillac and all dressed up as hoods and went to the local theater and cleared the way up and down the street and stood with our hands in our overcoats to form a cordon as whomever’s turn it was to play da Boss came out of the caddy with a big stogie in his mouth and filed into the cheap movie house. … Bout the same thing. … That was Eddie Van Zandt’s Caddy by the way. … He’s dead now. … Has been for years. … But, if I write one thing about him and you read it, a part of him is alive that much longer … you know what I mean? … Anyway, we were playing and Newsom’s not. … He thinks he’s already in the White House. … So, there’s these guys everywhere with the suits.
Newsom, Alioto and Leal took up the gauntlet to see who could have the most signs. … I’d make it a 3 way tie, with the win going to Leal because as best I could see, she only has around a half dozen people in her corner and getting out that much material with so few folks was impressive. I saw a few Ammiano signs but none at all for Gonzalez. That’s pretty typical of Matt. I don’t think it matters. I guess we’re going to run a word-of-mouth campaign. Whatever, I questioned the people holding signs to see if they had any idea of the positions of the people they were carrying hardware for: “So, what’s Supervisor Newsom’s position on district elections?” … “And, why did Supervisor Ammiano vote for diesel engines for our new busses?” … Of course, none had the slightest idea what I was talking about. … I’m running long here.
Green traitors
When I mentioned Gonzalez had money left from his race for District 5 Supervisor, I didn’t add that his campaign passed it on to the Center for Voting Reform, or something like that. It’s Steven Hill’s group. Steven wrote a book called ‘Fixing Elections’ or something like that. … Like me, Matt mentored him. … Big party. … We all bought the book. … You know, that kind of thing. … Matt carried (and still does) the IRV issue all over the country for the Greens. … So, last night, while Matt is taking on Newsom at the library, old Steven Hill, he’s voting to deny Matt the Green Party endorsement. … Go figure.
Same with Barry Hermanson. Barry has done great work on raising the minimum wage over the years. He worked with Ammiano and when Matt came to the Board, Barry worked with him on the present initiative to kick the minimum you can get for anything in the City from $6.75 and hour up to $8.50. Now, that’s well and good. Hell, Matt doesn’t get anything out of it but a good feeling and a little credit. … But, Barry? Barry has a temporary worker business that benefits greatly from each raise in the minimum wage. … He ain’t altogether altruistic. … Soooo, after sucking his wine and basking in the sunshine of his office, Barry voted to block Matt’s endorsement by the Greens. I’m told he did it with great glee and rushed over to Gonzalez supporter Marc Solomon to announce: “I always wanted to tell you you’re full of shit!!” … Ahhhh, people under stress do reveal their true composition.
Tommi Mecca, of course, refused my truce offer in an open letter earlier in the day and led the floor fight against Matt. … Jerry Threet and Ron Dicks were dragging their anti-Gonzalez clubs across the floor. These are all names I will remember well and so should you if they ever offer you ‘help’. They are only interested in what you can do for them. It went down like this.
The Greens require a ‘consensus’ of 75% to endorse a candidate. There were 60 members at the meeting. To be a voting member, you need to have attended 2 meetings. I’m told that Robert Haaland (who couldn’t switch without losing his D-triple-C seat) … I’m told Robert led a pseudo-recruitment drive that moved enough Democrats into the Green Party just to block the Gonzalez endorsement by his own party. All courtesy of Tom Ammiano (they did the same thing with the Democratic endorsement – see the resurrected Warren Hinckle in the Independent 8-19-03). These are the kinds of moves Tom was talking about when he mentioned having a “big dick” to the little kids at the Green Party meeting last week. … So, Matt gets 40 votes (5 short of 75%). Leal got 1 I heard. Alioto might have gotten a couple and the snakes abstained or voted for Ammiano. … They got the job done and the message was clear to both the Democrats and the Greens: If you don’t vote for Ammiano, you don’t get to vote for anyone. … Boy! … He is a big prick isn’t he?
Next moves?
A number of us have counseled Gonzalez to drop out of the Greens and go independent. I mean, face it, this shit is not going to end. These guys are dead weight unless you bend over for them and that sure as hell ain’t me. They have cut enough disaffected Greens from the pack (it only took 16 votes – or lack thereof – to deny anyone endorsement in both parties) … cut out a few Greens. … Oh, by the way, the leaders are all gay males from the Harvey Milk Club … that makes me a homophobe, right?
Write me, ya hear?:
