Watching City Hall #204, AUGUST 8, 2003“Too bad Flynt and Davis aren’t running head to head,
‘cause then it would be the pornographer vs. the whore.”
(Eileen Left tells it like it is)
Fleas are a lot like politicians and reporters. They drink your blood and swim in your whiskey. … No, honest, I’m not kidding. … About the fleas. … I just gave all the cats a bath and a flea treatment, so the only thing left to eat around here is me. I’m forever finding fleas in my whiskey glass and usually they’re still alive! … If I manage to catch one & crush it, a little smear of blood spurts from the tiny iron hulk and spreads like a mini-Rorschach. All very disgusting, but I figured if I had to go through it, I’d share the pain. I’m thinking of wearing a flea collar with matching wrist and ankle bracelets til the season passes. … There, now that you’re in a bad frame of mind, I’ll do some bad reporting.
Just plain bad reporting
I went to several parties and stuff over the past week or so but, as usual, I got high and drunk and I forget most of the names of the people and what they actually said and stuff like that, but I never let that stop me from writing columns before and I’m sure not gonna let it stop me now. … I mean, this is the election season and the public needs all of the lies and distortions they can gather so that they can make truly uninformed decisions that don’t matter anyway because the right wing controls the voting machines. … But, even though the situation is hopeless, people still run campaigns and what campaigns have always meant to me like most reporters is a look at the American spirit in motion … questioning, working, ever demanding … and, of course, free booze and food. And, also, … getting to watch people other than myself being humiliated daily in every branch of the media. … Misery does love company. … Moving right along.
Party I – IRV Fundraiser
(to which Eileen Left wore a flimsy transparent blouse)
It was at elections guru, Steven Hill’s house (maybe the cutest little cottage in SF – out near the ocean, fresh salt air, a friendly little flower filled courtyard – the very smell of the place reminded me of San Francisco in the 60’s) … So, I immediately screw things up by getting Robert Haaland pissed. … It went like this … now, I really, really respect Robert Haaland and didn’t mean to insult anyone there. But, what I did was, I looked around the lovely placed filled with wonderful, dedicated people and I said to Robert, what I said was (to Robert): “This party reminds me of a movie.” … Warily, Robert took the bait: “What movie?” … “’Dead Man Walking’.” … Yep, uh huh, that’s what I said all right.
Now, I didn’t mean to insult anyone. I truly didn’t. … The IRV people there are some of the most intelligent and devoted campaign workers in town. Eileen Left came along and she was the only one who chortled when I made my comment (it’s that kind of bad taste that makes her my best friend) … Eileen drew the thing out further:
Left: “The only news you should be paying attention to is what politicians show up. This group might be able to raise a few grand to challenge the billion dollar establishment, and that’s noble … but, they’re going to lose. It’s like ‘flower power’ against the SS. … Naw, what you’re looking at is a potential pool of campaign workers, pissed and motivated, to help you through to November. The group of people in this yard can easily provide the margin in a close election. Let’s wait and see how many of the politicians figure that out.”
Only Hallinan showed up
I support Terence Hallinan for District Attorney. That aside, I was nevertheless surprised that the good counselor was the only person running for public office who had the good sense to attend this gathering of passionate leftys with checkbooks in hand. He was accompanied by a pal name ‘Tony’ or something like that, who’s an investigator in the D.A.’s office. The guy obviously guard’s Terence’s back … and, Hallinan has made a lot of very dangerous people angry for a lot of years. … Me, though … I assumed Tony was a political consultant – and, was the person who had decided (brilliantly, according to Eileen – whose nipples were shamelessly rigid in the cool ocean air – she refused coats, sweaters and hugs from half of the crowd) … I decided this guy must be a consultant and asked how he’d decided this was the best expenditure of his candidate’s time?? … ‘Tony’? smiled broadly without the least threatening demeanor (this guy is empowered to arrest cops!) and said that he had nothing to do with where they went: “Terence decides with his gut and I just follow along wherever he wants to go.” Then, we got to talking … ‘Tony’? and me (I sometimes ‘chase rabbits’ when I should be talking to candidates) … and, anyway, Tony told me this story that other reporters told me everyone had heard before, but I hadn’t … so, I can assume you haven’t cause you’re not nearly so well connected as me and Eileen. …
‘Tony’?: “I’m from Wyoming. … Out there, the men are real men … and so are the women! … and … the sheep are very nervous.”
Hey, I’d much rather hear stories about Wyoming and sheep than face the fact that the Democrats have joined with the Republicans in strangling baby Irv in his cradle. … But, more later on what the IRV people can do for revenge after they have put their newborn in storage with Ted Williams til next year.
I conduct interviews
I talked to Hallinan too! Yeah, that’s what any good reporter would do. By then though, I was bombed and I only vaguely remember us trading tales about how many times we’d been arrested (personally, I WANT a D.A. who knows what it feels like on the other side of the bars) our histories were similar, juvenile delinquents who went into politics, both of which will land you in the clink. A pair of lefty idealists, that we are. Hallinan went to jail for supporting the civil rights or every group and also, it seems, for being an Irish drunk in his youth. I’ve heard the man smokes great pot but he didn’t offer me any and that kind of hurt my feelings. … Still, he is the most progressive District Attorney in the United States and he works every day with a Mayor and police department riddled with corruption who hate him and will do anything to see him lose. I’ve always admired anyone Willie Brown hates. … It’s only sensible.
It was a great party. (All things being vegetarian considered – turns out wine is a vegetable or something like that) … Steven, our host, has a book called: ‘How to fix our elections’ … I bought it (rare for me), read it, lent it out and ripped it off (the motto of our new consulting firm is: ‘Let us fix your next election’) … all, the highest of compliments. The bass player from ‘Nirvana’ was there and I talked to him. I forget his name for obvious reasons. … He made the best pitch to the crowd and will probably run for office in Washington state sometime in the future. I asked if he’d come down to play with Gonzalez in a gig (they both play bass I think, wouldn’t work) … he said ‘yeah’ and I asked him if he still had his licks. He didn’t understand (a young man, verrrry tall and serious) … “You still got your chops!!??!!” I asked. … He still didn’t understand. … It was like the tables were reversed and I was the kid and he was the old man. … I felt like a sonnet from Chaucer. Respected, but unintelligible. …
Party II – Gonzo’s monthly art opening
The artist was named Paul something … or maybe Something, paul. Either way, no charge for the plug, guy. As the party flowed around his varied work (from pen and ink sketches, to a series of full portraits – can be viewed in office) … as the crowd circled the work, the booze was plentiful and a big black guy named ‘Lance’ or something like that, from the Mayor’s office came to photograph me (for easy recognition by paid assassins? – if I get wasted, look to Willie and have the DEA investigate) … Anyway, other than the obvious ‘Willie underground’ now evident in Board President, Matt Gonzalez’s monthly art openings, the place was pretty cool. … Mostly, it was about what dirty old men like me call … ‘Cliff’. (That would be those most perfectly shaped derrieres, from which ski jumps could be launched) … “Shut your mouth! They aren’t here for you and you’re swallowing flies!” pronounced Eileen Left. “Where’s this hot shot Gonzalez?” It only occurred to me then that they hadn’t actually, formally met. I trotted her over and introduced her. He seemed startled and recognized her immediately: “You’re the one who almost ran me over with your Corvette!” … Eileen doesn’t respect crosswalks.
I’d tell you what happened at this party, but … as the saying goes: ‘then, I’d have to kill you’ … and, good as it was, the party wasn’t worth that. Suffice to say, I spent the evening flirting with girls and tossing taunts to Gonzalez to run for mayor. Neither the girls, nor Gonzo gave any ground. … Soooo, I went to sleep with the dogs … Eileen (purely pissed at the snub) drove me over to Berkeley in her souped-up Ferrari.
Party III – Gallagher’s house
Frank Gallagher is the only conservative (he calls himself ‘moderate’) writer whom I fear. He’s either my evil twin, or … I’m his. He does what I try to do, only, he does it regularly … he turns elections with one phrase. I try to do the same thing, but from the other side. … Either way, together, we cover the political spectrum. … It was only natural that we should clash, debate, conciliate … then, clash again. It is the natural order of things. … So, Frank and his wife, Noel Wilson (writer and editor for many publications) … they left town (Tahoe for the weekend – eat your hearts out) … and, as usual, I got to house and pet-sit the 3 household hounds (200 lbs of ‘3-dog’ nite) … I’m good with dogs. … Cats too. … People? … not so good there.
So, it is always good for me to get a call from Frank and Noel in Berkeley or Daniel and Becky Cohen in Penn Grove to come hang with their critters while they go to watch their kids play soccer or have their sheep judged in the County Fair … or gamble … or, watch their kids play soccer while they gamble … or, watch the sheep gamble while they play soccer or, … you get the idea … (me … alone, in a quiet setting with no daily dose of the Board) reality sets in. At even the shortest distance, I find I can admit the reality. … Chris Daly’s 500’ towers will soon crowd the corridors of the City’s ‘transit corridors’. … The population that has had trouble functioning with its present infrastructure will be asked to increase by 10-20%. … It’s nice to get a bit of physical distance from your latest failure. Plus, do you know what Berkeley and Sonoma have in common? … From most parts thereof, you can see the stars at night. … You can’t see the stars from the Tenderloin.
The Berkeley Daily Planet
While over at Frank’s I live the life of ‘Riley’. Mornings, I head off on the 8 block walk to McDonald’s for heavy grease sausage and biscuits with cheese and bacon and other things guaranteed to kill you. I return for the 40% alcohol expensive Irish whiskey and hammer away on the computer while I watch the Giants and Tiger Woods on the tube and luxuriate in the land where the phone doesn’t ring. The dogs (none lighter than 50 lbs) snuggle while I sleep. … So, I wander downtown and run into the Berkeley Daily Planet newspaper.
Bringing it all together
Aren’t you always amazed at how skilled writers can bring together so many seemingly diverse elements in a story and make it all come together in their closing paragraph? … Well, you won’t find any of that here. … Nope, disorganized and unsubstantiated as always. I’m sitting here killing the fleas as they land and devour my naked flesh (‘Flea Bait’ – great name for a race horse, huh?) … Sooo, the Berkeley Daily Planet said:
(in an article by Thom Hartmann of AlterNet)
“This is a big story, bigger than Watergate ever was”
(Defeated by Chuck Hagel, who founded ESS)
Now, Chuck Hagel … he founded ES&S which is a voting machine company. It is the same voting machine company which handles the San Francisco elections by the way. Anyway, after ole Chuck, he founded this uh here, uh company (he talks like Joe Taggard) … then, he ran for the U.S. Senate & denied he had anything to do with the company … and, they used his machines in the election and he won a miracle upset victory over the Democrat in the race. … Such ‘miracles’ turned up:
“In another Texas anomaly, Republican State Senator Jeff
Wentworth won his race with exactly 18,181 votes, Republican
Carter Casteel won her state House seat with exactly 18,181 votes,
And conservative Judge Danny Scheel won his seat with exactly
18,181 votes – all in Comal County.”
(you believe this shit?)
Folks, ‘if you’ll stand for that’, (as they used to say) … ‘you’ll stoop for this’. These are the people running San Francisco’s elections now. … Seems, no one is particularly concerned. What should happen is this: anyone who truly cares about the issue should access Tom Hartmann’s piece on AlterNet (published in Berkeley Daily Planet (August 1-4, 2003 edition) or contact the author. … The author who ties the Republican capture of majorities in both houses of congress to abnormalities in key races, ‘misplaced’ memory cards, misaligned touchscreens (once we get there, we no longer even have a paper trail, you know) … I can’t repeat the whole article here, my web-masters say. “Why the hell not!!!” I reply. … “Cause one of us owns his own house.” Comes the reply … reasonable argument.
Soooo, message for Board from all of this:
You know what the company who did Enron’s books did as soon as they went out of business in the accounting field cause they’d lost all credibility? They went into the voting machine business. … Yeah, uh huh … no kidding. Hartmann talks about how jurisdictions are more and more ‘privatizing’ their elections. Actually handing over control of the peoples’ votes to companies that say the way they calculate them is a ‘proprietary’ matter? Can you believe this shit? Someone should investigate it and I drink too much to stay on point that long. … The San Francisco Board of Supervisors should convene a hearing to study the issue of the lack of accountability in revealing counting methods and checks of same with ES&S vis a vis the San Francisco vote. We don’t need ‘miracle’ votes in ‘Bagdhad by the Bay’.
Don’t hold you breath, little one:
