Watching City Hall #203,

"If you can pick a ten horse race, you can vote IRV"
(Eileen Left)

Are blacks and Asians too dumb to vote? That’s what Reverend Arnold Townsend seems to suggest. … Now, you know me and I’m not going to say that Townsend is simply Willie Brown’s most transparent Uncle Tom and in return for little items like a few million dollars in low income housing on his church property, he’ll say anything Willie and the democratic party machine want. … Nope, I’m gonna resist the impulse to show this, most selfless of God’s good servants, in a light that might suggest that he was a traitor to his own race who’s sold out for money and favors for years. … You will not hear that here. … … As Tricky Dick Nixon said so eloquently, so long ago: "It would be wrong.".

Also, I’m not going to say that insults to the intelligence of the Asian community coming from Rose Pak’s (and therefore, the ‘People’s Republic’ – unless you’re part of the 90% of the Chinese people who are not communists) … from Pak’s ‘Chinese Voters Education Committee’ (be real, doesn’t that just sound like a commie name? – hell, ‘education’ committee – they should get Dang The Hung to rep them) … David Lee, Samson Wong, Julie Lee, Florence Fang … they all say that at least the Chinese among the City’s APA community, cannot figure out anything so complicated as what their 3 favorite candidates are. …

Now, Townsend and Rose Pak could be correct. Maybe black and asian San Franciscans are too dumb to vote. … This bothered me because most of the blacks and Asians I know are one hell of a lot smarter than me, so my own franchise could be in danger. Heaven forbid that I never be allowed to pull the lever again. … Whatever, I decided to go to the clearest mind I know and ask her what she thought of the issue.

Eileen Left: "You know, you are the biggest fuckin’ idiot I know. … You have all of this education on cognitive development. … You’ve done award winning papers disproving racial stereotyping on the basis of intelligence … and, you still give ink to flunkies like Townsend and Julie Lee. … Why don’t you just pay attention to what’s in front of you?"


h.: "Like what?"

Eileen: "Like, say … ever been in front of a liquor store in Hunter’s Point and listened to a bunch of people Reverend Townsend says couldn’t fill out a ‘ranked choice’ ballot?"

h.: "Talking about what?"

Eileen: "I mean, like … DUH! … The ponies!!!"

h.: "What the hell has IRV got to do with horse racing?"

Eileen: "It’s all about a variety of choices, dummy! … AND, the consequences of your decisions. … You hear guys saying stuff like: ‘I know everyone of these horses’ records. … I know every jockey’s record. … I know how they do on what kind of track. … I know their health and their times in training. I know who owns them and I know how likely the fix is going to be in. … Man, I can’t lose!!’ You getting it now Mr. Smokey?"

h.: "OK, that makes sense. So, blacks are obviously smart enough. I never even thought of how complicated racing can be. And, when you add in the fact that these same guys know every element of the football and baseball and basketball teams they bet on … hell, they must know millions of pieces of information."

Eileen: "AND, they string them together and make … let’s say it all together now: … they make ‘RANKED CHOICES!’"

h.: "So, OK, blacks can handle the system. … But, what about Asians? Is there any proof they can master anything as complicated as counting to 3?"

Eileen: "Helloooo!!! Ever hear of Ma Jong? Ever hear a bunch of asian guys gathered around a lotto machine exchanging prime number variations that would make Einstein’s head swim? "

h.: "Jeez, then, they’re actually smart enough too."

Eileen: "Now, put together the pieces and see what you get. … We’ll wait for you."

h.: "Hmmmmm. …. Duhhhhhh … ehhhhhhh … ARGH!"

Eileen: "Seems like you might have figured something out."

h.: "Dear lord, it seems that perhaps the campaign against IRV based upon the lack of intelligence of the black and yellow communities is just a smoke screen coordinated by the leadership of the democratic party!"

Eileen: "That’s very good, bozo. … As a reward, here’s a dirty magazine I got for you at the liquor store."

h.: "Oh heck. … I mean, thanks. … I mean, like, you didn’t have to. … But, why are you giving me something like this? … Ahhhhh, I didn’t notice. … You’re the centerfold this month!"

Eileen: "Don’t you just love it?"

Fiona (Clear Channel) Ma

4th District’s vibrant new rep, Supervisor, Fiona Ma got some really bad advice recently and, unfortunately, she went public with it at Tuesday’s Board meeting (7-29-03). … Claiming she was worried that the thousands of signs for political races and concerts were a dangerous potential blight on the landscape, the rookie Vice Chair of the City Services Committee voiced her intention to ban the signs from City owned polls and property.

On face, that might sound cool. … The reality is that it favors not only candidates with big bucks, but it will feed millions into the coffers of companies like Clear Channel & Viacom (I think one bought the other or something, but … bear with me). … The only open space for candidates if Ma has her way will be bus stop shelters, Decaux billboards and Clear Channel’s coming new (lighted) thousand or so Ped Mounts. … Oh, there are a few smaller sign companies. … Hell, by a coincidence, I think that Assemblyman Mark Leno owns one of them.

Repeat after me, Fiona: … "Bad idea. … Bad idea. … Bad idea."

Having a trailer-trash kind of mentality, I’ve always considered the political and concert signs to be collectors’ items. … You, know, … you can paper your wall with them for a few years, then sell them back to some sucker for big bucks once they get good and weathered.

My son-in-law, Kudzai just arrived with a couple of beers. … You know me well enough to know that means, this here column … it be done.

Later: h@ludd.net