|Watching City Hall #202, JULY 29, 2003
Left urges banning all parks
(Too controversial in time of war.)
SF Greens join Republican effort
San Francisco Green party spokesperson (news to them) spokesperson, Eileen Left took time out from a Happy Hour pint of Guinness early yesterday evening at the Royale Café, (a bar/pool hall at Post and Leavenworth) the striking, tall brunette was in top form as she addressed the burning issues of the day.
h.: So, who died and made you the Green party spokesperson?
Left: Bob Hope.
h.: Really!? That is surprising. Did he know he was representing the Greens? I thought he was a Republican?
Left: He took over the role after Strom Thurmond died. I mean, like, face it, there isnt much difference in the Green party positions and the Republicans anymore.
h.: Like, pray-tell, what positions?
Left: Oh, take the parking meter in the park issue. The fat cats want them and the Greens want them. Or, who voted for every single high-rise tower from Japantown to SOMA? The Greens, thats who. The Greens have supported diesel buses and putting offices on our piers. There really isnt a dimes worth of difference between Greens and Republicans anymore. Just think. Wasnt it a Green Board President who led the way to overturn a resolution that offended the commie Vietnamese government? Willie Brown just called Matt Gonzalez into his office and said: Fix this boy! and thats just what hell do later today. The Greens are learning that you cant let principles get in the way of money.
h.: You are amazing! So, how do the fat cats pay off the Greens?
Left: Well, just knowing you did the wrong thing is always its own reward, but the Greens pushed for more material things.
h.: Like what!?
Left: For Willie to resign and make Gonzalez Mayor.
h.: Shit! Youve lost your mind. That would be the most two-faced, double-dealing, back-stabbing violation of the public trust since since well, since Willie turned the town of Sunol into a gravel pit.
Left: Being da Mayor do have its perks, huh?
h.: Tell me about this banning parks idea.
Left: (Shes very appealing when shes riled like this & the color in her face rises with her voice as her bounteous boobies bounce.) What good ever happened in a park? Hell, theyre just places for people to get knocked up or knocked down. Theyre just places for terrorists to hide while drunken poor people splash through dog shit trying to get their kites in the air. I say pave em over! Be honest here. Would you rather have a bunch of stupid buffalo staring through a fence at you or, would you rather have a nice big brand-new Wal-Mart? Plus, theres enough room there for an auto salvage operation, a drive-in movie, plus you could build a shooting range into the overpass of the new freeway.
h.: What would they shoot at?
Left: Any fuckin thing they want! This is America. We dont interfere with freedom of choice!
h.: Sounds like Oakland to me.
Left: Youre being a smart-ass again. You should be grateful, cause youre the only one in town I give these interviews to.
h.: Ok Ok Just one last question. If youre throwing the poor out of the parks and off the streets, where do they go?
Left: Glad you asked that. I have this incredible recipe for Bar-b-Que sauce that makes Solyant Green taste just like chicken.
End of interview
Did Hallinan fart in court?
(Fazio claims D.A.s gas swayed Grand Jury)
In their continued deconstruction of reality, rogue cop defenders led by Buzz (Ill say anything to win!) Fazio brought forth the brother-in-law of a guy whose sister knew someone who overheard someone talking on the 38 Geary and, what they said (or, didnt) will make your blood curdle:
Juror 1: My God, this is disgusting! Lets indict these guys and get out of here.
Juror 2: I hope that didnt smell like that when you ate it!
Juror 3: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Fazio: (wearing hospital mask) Your honor, this whole case stinks to high Heaven!
Alright, alright keep it down back there!
Roll Call for Introductions
The Board of Supervisors Roll Call for Introductions section of Tuesday Board meetings frequently includes really juicy items that are never heard again. And, thats too bad. Here, as always, to give a voice to unpopular, though sensible suggestions, is your faithful correspondent. These are things, I swear to Molloch, that were actually proposed by various members of the Board:
Aaron Peskin: I think we should charge people for jumping off the bridge.
Chris Daly: Most of the people who jump are poor and I will not have the budget balanced on the backs of depressed and suicidal poor people!
Peskin: Hows about if we make Sundays free?
Daly: You got yourself a deal there.
Gavin Newsom: I think my wife is having an affair with Larry King.
Board President, Gonzalez: Could you put that in the form of a resolution or ordinance, Supervisor?
Newsom: Shes happy! She glows. Shes excited. that cant have anything to do with me!
Gonzo: Still, you need to phrase your heartaches more concisely. I mean, do you want us to ban the Larry King show?
Newsom: (whispers to Mike Farrah for moment) I deny it all!! Larry King is a close, personal family friend and I cant believe youd suggest such a thing! (Turns back to Farrah stage whisper: Gonzalez beat me in my own PUSH poll!? fire the pollster and bury the poll!!! Or, the other way around. Or, both!)
Jake McGoldrick: I think everyone on the Board should have a body double.
Tony Hall: That would be the ugliest group since the Traveling Willoughbys.
McGoldrick: Im telling you, theyre after me! Theyre after me and I am innocent I am innocent!
Bevan Dufty: I think we should have clothing optional days.
Thats your Board, always hammering it out hammering it out hammering it out
Sorry folks but reality was too depressing today.
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