Watching City Hall #201, JULY 25, 2003

(Thanks & a pound of round to Eileen Left)

Can you believe how far the cops will go to get by with crime? Unbelievable. Even a little crime like fag-bashing. … Geez, after so many decades of attacking San Francisco gays, you’d think the Irish high command could come up with a better excuse than: “My dad is the Chief of Police and he’s Gavin Newsom’s best friend and …” (fantasy quote) … No. … I mean, like, really … ‘No!’ … We can do better than that. Let’s really get out on a limb here and fulfill our obligation as being one of the small core of San Francisco Bohemian types remaining and make the whole column into a fantasy (regrettably, the basic facts are true) …

So, anyway … Eileen Left mentioned last evening (as she pulled the heavy gauge black fish-net nylons on – she taunts me) … Eileen said that she’d actually been in Alex Fagan Jr.’s class at the police academy. “Really?”, I queried, knowing better than to doubt anything she says. “Tell me more.” I said. (using the standard line of a reporter who hasn’t prepared for an interview)

Eileen: “Yeah, you know he was just named ‘Rookie-of-the-year’, in Absentia?”

h.: “Get out of here!”

Eileen: “Yeah. … Legitimate too. … I mean, we all knew his dad was a chief and had been Gavin Newsom’s de facto personal bodyguard since Newsom was a kid, but that didn’t matter. … I mean, if you aren’t a real bad-ass, no one will vote for you.”

h.: “Really! … So, what made him such a ‘bad ass’?”

Eileen: “Well, he had a bad attitude, of course. … That’s real important on the street, but, I mean, hey … lots of cops have a bad attitude. … What set Alex Jr. apart was that he backed it up.”

h.: “How’d he do that?”

Eileen: “Seventeen claims of police brutality in one year!? … While on fucking probation, for God’s sake!! … Do you know how hard it is for some ‘probie’ to beat the shit out of that many people and keep his job?”

h.: “But, justice prevailed. … He’s no longer a cop.”

Eileen: “For someone older than Moses, you’re dumber than a bent nail. … He’s just off temporarily. … They left the back door wide open for him. … Shit, soon as Getty buys Newsom’s way into the Mayor’s office, they’re free to bring Alex back!”

h.: “As someone who has always believed in their government and particularly trusted that ‘thin blue line’ that stands between us and commie chaos, I cannot listen to this blasphemy!”

Eileen: (laughing, as she took out her jewel-studded whip and did practice slashes across the already-decimated wax mannequin of Matt Gonzalez in the corner) … “Let me give you a little indicator to check. … Look for the Police Officers’ Association to pay thousands to your brother journalists under the table for favorable press on the cops and more slander of Hallinan.”

h.: “You demon, witch! That could never happen. … Why, we have the most devoted reporters in the world! … I could never, not in my wildest fantasy imagine someone like Warren Hinckle taking a dime from the cops!”

Eileen: “Listen wimp” (she noted, as she put on her Nazi Field Marshal’s hat and turned for the door) … “There’s a new graduation class from the Police Academy down at the Getty mansion and I’m the main attraction.” (She turned for the door)

h.: “Aren’t you afraid of retribution!?”

Eileen: (laughing loudly as she cracked her whip and blew out a huge cloud of Northern Lights dope – her favorite) … “Are you kidding? I’m just a figment of your imagination! … You’re the one who better watch his ass.” (she quickly pealed back a ‘falsie’ to reveal a rouged nipple, winked & headed for Gordon’s) …

h.: “Point taken!”

Which way back to reality?

Have I gone mad, or is it just you? … This morning, the Examiner referred to Arnold Schwarzenegger as: the “Governator” … Ya gotta love that. As Willie Brown and Gray Davis walked by me the other day after a press conference, I called out: “Hey Willie! … you want some jelly with that toast?” … Only got a dirty look in return. … Still, I’m backing my buddy Gray here.

Yeah, I know that sounds lame for a lefty who doesn’t even carry ID, but I’m voting ‘No’ on the Recall. … Not that I like Davis. … I wouldn’t let that slime ball baby-sit my fleas. … But, as a big paper editorial noted:

“Absent major misconduct by Davis, there is no reason why
1.4 million signatures, gathered mostly through $1.5 million
in financing by Republican U.S. Rep. Darrell Issa, should be
able to potentially overturn the legal election of the governor
of this state of about 35 million people. It is just bad governance,
and it’s not what was intended when the recall provision was
built into state law.”

What’s next … recall Willie Brown? … Sorry, that particular turd is already at the other end of the political digestive tract (for the second time!). … However …

However

However, like Instant Runoff Voting (or ‘Ranked Choice Voting’ as the local press has more appropriately renamed it) … this ‘Governor Recall’ thing will actually give the entire state a first taste of what ‘Ranked Choice Voting’ will look like. … Take my own delusional self. … In ‘Ranked Choice’ voting, I can vote for up to 3 people for Mayor. … In the ‘Governor Recall’, I can effectively, vote for 2. … Uh huh. … Yup, I can vote AGAINST the Republicans, by voting against the Recall … PLUS … I can vote FOR some other candidate on the other side of the ballot. … And, incidentally, I want to thank the Democrats for not running another candidate over there. I cannot think of any Democrat in the state who is better than Gray Davis, and that is a truly damming statement. … I’m guessing the ‘Governator’ will be a shoo-in … shit, for a six pack of beer and a joint of Northern Lights, I just might check the boy’s box myself (no pun intended). …

You tired of this? I’m babysitting Frank Gallagher’s wonderful hounds over the weekend and you can reach me there since he has brought the civilization of dsl into his very comfortable and very private Berkeley hovel. I hope to write more often as we approach these coming elections. … Because … I know you’re all dumb as dishwater and desperately need me.

Huh? …