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December 20, 2007The worst day of my lifeDo you have enough insurance?IT’S ALWAYS ANNOYINGto pay an insurance bill when nothing happens that requires its coverage, yes? Money down the drain, it seems like. Am I supposed to wish I had required major surgery to justify the close to $7 grand I spent on health insurance this year? But you never know, you never know; that’s what insurance is all about. So lately contemplating the awesome task of selling my flat, picking up my entire life and moving it somewhere else, I took an inventory of the contents of these seven rooms and decided to upgrade my insurance to deluxe (all-risk) contents coverage. And just in time, as you will soon see. Had I not had the following situations covered, I’d be kicking myself, crying “Why didn’t I have insurance?” 1. Mysterious Disappearance: Jewelry, furs, silver, gold and guns that are lost or misplaced. 2. Water Damage: Damage to contents if rain or hail enters through an open window or door. 3. Wind Coverage: Losses due to wind entering an open window or door. 4. Child-related Damage: Children running, wrestling or playing in a house, damaging TV sets, stereos, furniture, etc. 5. Cigarette Burns: Severe scorching and scarring related to cigarettes and cigarette ash. 6. Loss by Repair: Jewelry, watches and furs are covered while being refinished, repaired or renovated. 7. Power Outage: Food spoilage and related losses when power fails. 8. Breakage of “Non-fragile” Items: Jewelry, watches, bronzes, cameras and photographic lenses. Example: Drop a camera and it breaks. Example: Mishandle a watch and step on it. 9. Damage by Guests: Example: While you’re entertaining, a guest accidentally tips over a stereo/VCR system, ruining it. 10. Ensuing Loss Caused by Pets: Related water or wind damage, as when a pet tears through a screen door during rain/wind storm and loss ensues. 11. Ensuing Loss After Power Interruption: Any physical loss that follows power failure. 12. Special Wording for Ground/Surface Water: Ground and surface water is excluded, but covers such incidents for contents any from a residence you own. Example: Rent a beach house for the weekend and tidal waves rise, damaging contents. 13. Damage by Spilled Beverage/Liquid: Example: College student spilling coffee on personal computer and keyboard, forcing replacement. 14. Unexpected Incidents: Example: Infant wetting an antique sofa. Example: Stray football thrown inside breaking a TV picture tube. 15. Personal Property Improperly Stored: Example: Numerous suits from dry cleaners in vehicle that goes through car wash with back window open. Example: Furniture in garage damaged by rain when door not closed. 16. Internal Falling Objects: Example: Crystal chandelier coming loose and crashing onto dining room table, destroying it. 17. Damage by Hot Objects: Example: Hot plate from the kitchen can shatter a glass table. 18. Motorized Vehicle for Use on Property: Example: Drivable lawn mower can crash into a tree after losing control, forcing replacement. 19. Special Wording for Temperature/Dampness Loss: A loss due to dampness/temperature is covered if the direct cause of loss is rain, snow, sleet or hail. 20. Accidents: Many unforeseen accidents are covered. Example: Spilling liquid shoe polish on an antique chair or Persian rug. WELL, THAT ABOUT COVERS IT.Comprehensive, yes? It’s a good thing I went for it, because only a few days later, I had a day like Mama said there would be, and Mama, for once, was right. It all started out with the mysterious disappearance of my jewelry, furs, silver, gold and guns. I swear they’d been in place the night before, right after Zazu tore through my screen door like a cat out of hell, causing some major rain/wind damage and ensuing losses. It could not have been the children who were running, wrestling or playing at my house that night, because even though they damaged my TV sets, stereos and furniture, etc., I checked the safe, the vault and the mattress, and the jewelry, furs, silver, gold and guns were all in place. It’s true I once lost some jewelry, watches and furs while they were being refinished, repaired or renovated, but I hadn’t taken anything in to be serviced. I THOUGHT IT MUST BE MEI was just forgetting something, or had indeed misplaced them, but it was time for breakfast, and I discovered that the power had gone out while I slept and I’d suffered some food spoilage and related losses. The suspect milk with the dicey expiration date, for instance, had expired. I sacrificed a Tupperware container to the trash because I was afraid—eiuu—to see what was in there. I stopped to think and lit a cigarette. It had been a hectic night, what with the running, wrestling or playing children damaging my TV sets, etc., and my cat causing major wind damage and losses, and I nodded off for a moment. Wouldn’t you know, I suffered severe scorching and scarring related to the cigarette and its ash. I got my camera to document the damage to my screen door, TV sets, etc., and damn, I dropped and broke it. And this only two days after I mishandled my watch and then stepped on it. I was still hungry, so I took some thawing Swedish meatballs out of the dripping freezer and put them in my warmer tray with the Ikea tea candles, and set it on my glass dining room table. I forgot about them while they were heating, and in the nick of time thought to check whether they’d gotten too hot, but as I approached the table, I was stunned to discover my crystal chandelier coming loose and crashing onto it, destroying it. I COULDN’T DEAL WITH THATat that moment, so I tried think of something I could do that doesn’t require power. I sat myself on my favorite antique chair and undertook shining my shoes. Here’s a brief recipe for disaster: one part chair, one part rug, one part liquid shoe polish. That was an accident that should not have been unforeseen. My bad! I enlisted the aid of a neighbor with all the stain-removing secrets, and, through no fault of her own, she accidentally tripped over the wire of a TV/VCR system, ruining it. I thought, what could possibly happen next? Well, don’t ask. A stray fooball comes sailing through the hole in the screen door, straight into my TV picture tube, which had escaped damage by the running, wrestling or playing children. This incident was so unexpected that I wet my sofa. I dragged it into my garage full or furniture that I discovered had been damaged when I forgot to close the door. Then I think, OK, I’ll use my combo manual/electric lawn mower to get some yard work done. While I’m mowing, however, the electricity comes back on, the mower revs up and takes off, loses control, and crashes into a tree, my neighbor’s tree, forcing replacement. I was so upset I went barreling back into my house, tripping over my stained Persian rug and crashing into a curio full of non-fragile items like jewelry, watches, bronzes, cameras and photographic lenses. I HAD TO GET OUT OF THEREand fast, so I jumped in the car. The storm had left ugly blotches on the paint, so I headed to a carwash. Wouldn’t you know it, I was so distracted by the morning’s events I’d left the back window open, ruining the numerous suits I’d picked up at the cleaners. That was almost as bad as the weekend I rented a beach house and tidal waves rose, damaging contents. When I got home, my college-age nephew was at my desk surfing porn sites. I startled him so badly he spilled coffee over my computer and keyboard, forcing replacement. There was a bright side, though. He’d thought better and come by to return the jewelry, furs, silver, gold and guns he’d snuck out while I slept through the hole in my screen door. Yes, Mama said there’d be days like this. THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTwas brought to you from “20 Reasons Why to Purchase Deluxe (All-Risk) Contents Coverage” from A to Z Insurance and Alexandra Jones. It’s almost Christmas, now, so watch out for those running, wrestling or playing kids!
God bless us, Everyone. ------------------------------------------------------------ May your days be merry and bright,
It's 11:00. Do you know where your jewelry, furs, silver, gold and guns are? copyright Alexandra Jones 2007 |
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